We live in strange times and bizarre things keep happening all around us near and far. And in times of such unprecedented uncertainty, people tend to either ignore things and suppress any grey matter that can relay questions and concerns, or shift to the other extreme of stopping to think, more frequently and more deeply, converging on  any direction they can get from their  leaders in the process. Provided that there are leaders, that is.

For in less than two weeks, on these little islands of ours, a tsunami swept over our leaders, denuded them of their layers of bravado, and exposed their very own issues with having, let alone being able to give direction. It was all written in the stars it's true, but things did happen too quickly for us to take it all in.

The Prime Minister lost his roadmap, the Archbishop tore up his and gave up, and the Leader of the opposition threw a  full  convention  with  trimmings and all only to end up proving to us that the PN is on an unknown road without a map.

I did not go to the Nationalist Party's  Convention , and it's not because its  burnt out  'ideamalta' name reminds me of Labour's  ingenious Ideat,  but because  my  PN membership  had expired simultaneously with the expiry  of the Nationalist Party .

However, I must admit that I did make it a point to follow as much as I could from the rocking chair in the cosiest corner of my living room and I must confess that I deeply regretted not being physically there when Godfrey Grima had the floor.

Even from where I stood, a remote forgotten corner in an ancient building in Qrendi, far away from the grand hall chosen to bestow some significance on the occasion, I could tell that Godfrey Grima  was one of the very few people present who attended the convention for the right reason and with the most honourable of intentions. He  had the guts to articulate what the Nationalist top brass need to hear ,  even if it's not what they want to hear. 

And instead of thanking him for not wasting their time with more rhetoric and useless lip service, his frank address was met with derision if not utter contempt.

For those fleeting seconds, I wished I could transport myself in time, take the floor  and tell the Nationalist gathering that  there is no more time for grieving, that I  sincerely shared their pain and understood. I also wanted to tell the PN that  almost two years have flown  by and   while they were thrashing  around struggling with their  bereavement , so much has gone  on in this country, and so much needs to  be done quickly if we are to safeguard what previous governments, most of them Nationalist have achieved for these islands. 

I wished to go there and tell them that  while they  have been reeling  and reeling from  the blow of defeat,  another period of grieving and bereavement  has been created and is ongoing in our country: Bereavement for a Labour Movement that  filled hearts with hope only to  drop them from a height  and   casually watch them shatter on the ground.

I wanted to tell them to treasure the highlights of a nationalist past in their hearts, acknowledge the lowlights of PN's part in history with their minds, and become part of  and spearhead the creation of  a People's National Movement for real change, with their hearts and minds.

I wished to tell them that it is again time to think National rather than Nationalist, to think  and act 'Right ' rather than  'Convenient',  and that thereis no shame in admitting that partisan politics is over and  that people will only vote for  untainted people who individually and as a team personify integrity, honesty and credibility.

The masses have been duped once too often by traditional party governments. The people clearly showed what they seek in the last elections by pinning their hopes in what was supposed to be the first national movement for real change in governance, but which has so far proved to be  a far cry from what it portrayed itself to be. 

The masses will keep on looking for leadership and the new generations will not be duped again, so they will seek a new national guiding force that promises only what it can and should deliver, and  that delivers what it promises.

I wished to go to the  Nationalist Party  convention to say all that to  all those who are dreaming of bringing about real change  in the way that politics is made in our country. But as I said before, I did not go because my PN membership expired with the demise of the Nationalist Party my generation had helped to build.

Instead, I read a book called 'Choke' by an  unorthodox American Novelist called Chuck Palahniuk and thought and thought particularly about this passage while I followed the current  PN Opposition Leader's closing remarks:

"creepy , but here we are, the Pilgrims, the crackpots of our time, trying to establish our own alternate reality. To build a world out of rocks and chaos.

What it's going to  be I don't know. Even after all that rushing around, where we've ended up is the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.

And maybe knowing isn't the point. Where we're standing right now, in the ruins in the dark, what we build could be anything."

Then I  drifted back to 1987 while I looked the future in the face.