One of the most significant milestones in a child's life is starting school. To the child it can be an exciting experience, one they look forward to even if with trepidation. Parents invariably feel a range of emotions, including a strong dose of anxiety, which really never ends. And while the issue of parents dealing with and containing their own emotions is one that deserves attention, the children should be in focus as they need help the most.

Natasha Attard, a mother of triplet boys, says involving the children in buying stationery and other school material is one of the things that really helps ease the transition. "Before school starts, explain to your children what is going to happen. Reassure the child that you or a loved one will pick them up after school." She says that sending children to a summer school prior to starting the more formal school is also a great help as it prepares them and helps them deal with anxieties before starting regular school.

Referring to parents, Natasha said they also need support, "because very often they are the ones who are most anxious about their child starting school. Consequently their anxiety rubs off onto the child." While it is understandable to feel a little anxious as parents, she said if the school offers support and feedback to the parents this will help ease the worry and anxiety. "Ultimately children do learn to become more independent and grow in so many ways once they settle in school."

Charmaine Attard is the mother of a 4-year old. She says she started sending her child to a child care centre when he was one and a half years old. Meanwhile she decided to go back to school herself and started attending MCAST. She says she was fortunate enough at the time to be able to send her son to a child care centre situated within the college itself. While she was attending lectures, her child was still close by.

"When it was time for him to move to 'big school', I happened to start work at the same school," she says. "It was easier for my son to familiarise himself with his surroundings. To help him, I used to drive around the school block and act all excited whenever I got closer."

She said she would ask her son what he thought about the school building and if he wanted to see more of it. Eventually an appointment was set to see the school together with her son. "I started

pointing out things which I knew would catch his eye, such as the slide, sand pits, arts and crafts, and so on," she says. "I told him that the teacher must love playing with toys since she had so many on display."

Charmaine said she would also read books related to starting school with her son and included him in every school related activity: "I took him with me to buy his 'super cool' school uniform, 'fast' new shoes and made sure he chose his own colouring pens, pencil case, glue sticks, scissors, and other stationery."

A week before her son started school, Charmaine learned that her new place of work would not allow her to be as close as she thought she would be to her son. "I was very upset not being able to take him up to his own class myself," she says. "However I made sure I let him know that I was very close by and let him go with a warm embrace and kiss." Although I was close (very close), he didn't bother about me and often used to tell me "mum, I'm playing, I'm ok". That used to make my day.

 

Rosalie Vella Piscopo, mother of twin boys said she found that taking children to a few school visits worked best for her and her children, together with making the whole experience seem like fun, "such as telling them about their nice new uniform, school bag and plenty of sports or activities. If they are going to take school transport, you can create some excitement around going to school on a big bus." Rosalie says the fact that her boys have each other also helps "because they look out for each other".

 

How to ease the process of starting school

Elaine Micallef, is a child counselling psychotherapist. She recommends doing

the following.

1. Let your child know what his/her schedule will be. Explain at what time school will begin and end each day.

2. Ask your child about his/her feelings - the excitement as well as concerns about starting school.

3. Point out the positive aspects of starting school. Explain that it will be fun and s/he can make new friends.

4. Let your child know that all children are nervous about their first day of school.

5. Leave a note in your child's lunchbox to remind him/her that you're thinking of them while they are at school.

6. Reassure your child that if any problems arise at school, you will be there to help resolve them.

7. Build a good relationship with the teacher.

8. If one parent is anxious and finding it hard to let go, the other parent should step in.

9. Start the school time routine some weeks before school actually starts.

10. If the child is old enough, purchase the uniform and school bag together.

11. Include your child in the labelling of books and school preparation process. 

12. Fantasize with your child about what the classroom will look like.

13. Speak about the new things they will learn.

14. Make a list of lunch box items your child would like you to prepare for him/her.

15. Parents should organise their schedule to make themselves available for their child in the afternoon, at least for the first few weeks when the child starts school. That will make up for the time the children spend away from their parents.

16. After your school meeting, give a lot of information to your child.

17. If it's allowed, take a picture of the new teacher and new classroom and show it to your child.

18. Organise a few play dates before school begins so the children can meet some of the people they are going to meet at school.

19. Help your child to prepare a welcome card for their new teacher.

20. If children are taking transport to school, speak to the van supervisor before school starts and let the child know who the supervisor is.

21. Browse through the school's website together with your child.

22. Try on the school uniform before school starts to ensure the child is comfortable in it.

23. Speak about lunch break time. It's usually the child's favourite time of the day.

24. If the child is going back to a familiar school remind him/her about a point of reference known from previous years such as the school nurse, secretary, etc. This is reassuring as the child will feel that some things did not change.