One of the books which I distinctly remember from my childhood was a thin paperback, little more than a wizened booklet, originally belonging to my mother and dating back to the 1950s. The book was titled simply, Good Manners. I don't know the whereabouts of this book today, nor do I remember what it looked like on the inside, but it came immediately to mind as I headed out to meet my interviewee, Ramona Galea.
Ramona has a very particular profession. She trains people in etiquette. The word is not commonly used nowadays but it is the very French term which encapsulates the essence of behaviour, subsequently polite manners, ultimately good human relations in all spheres and walks of life. And, as all our most inbred inspirations are born and nurtured, hers came from her family home.
"My mother was my number one mentor in the way I behaved, and I sincerely believe parents are the first source of learning where manners are involved. She would gently instruct me on my table manners, the way I should hold a fork or sit at table. She taught me all the tricks to have a pleasant tone of voice, hold myself smartly, be polite and courteous and to have my best behaviour become second nature in my life. School helped continue this formation because it was my first social environment, similarly to what most children are exposed to, but mother did all the groundwork in my life in this sense."
Eventually in her professional life, Ramona came in contact with people from varied walks of life and cultures. In corporate settings she noticed the subtle and at times not so subtle differences in behaviour and expectations of behaviour. "Working in the aeronautical field brought me in touch with people from different countries and I observed how many behave and react differently from us with our very typical Mediterranean approach. This reality has nowadays spilled over into our daily social lives since we are experiencing constant contact with foreign nationals living and working here. I firmly believe it has become indispensable for people exposed to any form of cross-cultural relations, to understand etiquette in its wider sense."
Her training helps people avoid awkwardness and possible embarrassment in certain contexts. Because, we must admit, we have all found ourselves in situations which called for determined behaviour of which we were uncertain. Should I shake hands to welcome this person? Should I just nod and say hello? Should I hug and kiss on the cheek? How close should I get? How should I address him...? Mr, Sir, Dr, Your Highness, Your Honour or just say 'Hi!'?
Ramona laughs heartily at my quizzical comment and says: "These are all very real dilemmas and where a certain protocol is expected; not adhering to it can create some very unhappy moments and cause serious offense. Protocol and soft diplomacy skills are pretty much unique and call for a knowledge of distinct cultural nuances. Etiquette, thus, becomes an evolving skill based on inclusion that is brought about by understanding, rather than exclusion and segregation, which are a direct result of misunderstanding and indicate a lack of know-how."
However soft skills are not only required in the diplomatic or corporate fields. We come across situations which clearly reflect how good manners are unfortunately becoming dying habits. Walk into a shop and check how some salespeople behave. Do they welcome you, do they smile, do they even look at you? Or do they make you feel as if you are intruding on their day? Then the ones who approach you tend to come across as persistent or invade your browsing time. Ramona says: "I see a reflection of this happening in job interviews. By lacking a basic understanding of soft skills people risk not being considered for a job, due to the way they dress for the interview or the way they answer questions or behave. This is a moment when a positive first impression is indispensable. The way a person communicates indicates their level of interpersonal skills. Being overly confident may come across as lack of professionalism, while work ethics are directly reflected in the way questions are answered. So, as you see, etiquette brings together so much more than meets the eye."
Indeed, etiquette is not just about knowing what to wear for a gala dinner, but also what to wear to go to the beach by bus. It is about being discreet when necessary and setting boundaries without seeming abrupt or unkind. It is about our behaviour, our courtesy and the kind of words which spill out of our mouth. It is about consideration for others, even consideration for the environment, the way we drive, the way we give our seat to the elderly or infirm. It is about negotiating deals, securing business contracts, protecting our investments and being respected throughout. It is, mainly, basically and intrinsically about respect.