Whenever I meet Dr Tonio Borg he never greets me with a 'hello' but with the words, "Have you heard the latest?" Barely waiting for my response, he dives into a series of funny anecdotes and jokes. Do I find that strange? Not at all. I too have an appreciable portfolio of jokes and find great pleasure in making people laugh. Humour, they say, is the best medicine. I am not sure about that since with the number of funny anecdotes, ghana and the like which I have written and related I should be doctor-free. On the contrary, I had a chequered list of maladies ranging from heart to cancer. Yet this has not stopped me from making people laugh and enjoying life, knowledge and humour. So it was a great pleasure for me when Tonio asked me to review his latest book, Gustizzja bi Tbissima. Stejjer Umoristici. (Justice with a smile. Humorous anecdotes.)

Warning: this book is in Maltese but it could never have been written in any other language. Nuances, double meaning etc make it impossible to translate. I am assuming, wrongly of course, that every decent Maltese person can read his/her native language.

This 280-page book is packed with anecdotes featuring Maltese lawyers. A word of sincere praise for Mark Schembri for his excellent numerous caricatures in this book. I was very pleasantly surprised to find my caricature too...and a very good one. 

Genuineness guaranteed; the source is duly mentioned at the end of each story. It may also not be a story, such as when just quoting the late President Emeritus Dr Guido de Marco that " a lawyer should send his fees when the  tears of gratitude are still warm."

Others are full-blown anecdotes such as the one about the late Judge Maurice Caruana Curran, a fount of knowledge in Law and the Arts and founder of Din L-Art Helwa.  A woman who had been physically abused was giving witness. She was very graphically   describing the accused's private parts when the learned Judge directed her to use a metaphor instead. The lady victim quickly continued, "The accused put down his trousers and showed me his oversized metaphor"

A few words on the author. For the very few who would not know Dr Tonio Borg, this gentleman has a most interesting CV. Member of the House of Representatives (1992-2012), Minister of Justice and Home Affairs, Foreign Minister, Deputy Prime Minister, European Commissioner for Health and Consumer Policy, author of several books on humour and excellent studies on Constitutional law and Public law. His tome on Constitutional Law was considered 'a monumental work' by none other than Dr Giovanni Bonello, Judge of the European Court of Human Rights. I can assure the reader that Judge Bonello, a guiding luminary on this and several other subjects, would never shower any publication with such praises unless really deserving.

Some would wonder how persons like Tonio could have humour running in his veins. Humour does not lessen. It adds. It helps you live through tough times and appreciate the good times. It shows us what we really are, think, yearn, fail, misunderstand and, better still, laugh at ourselves. When one reads the complete notes of Leonardo Da Vinci, a favourite topic which I re-visit every couple of years, one finds jokes or humorous sayings and anecdotes wedged in between one mind-boggling invention and another.

Back to the book: Some surnames attract a smile. We read  that a client complained with her lawyer, whose surname is Antoncich, that she could not find his telephone number  in  the directory under C. Why C, not A? "Because your name is Anton Cich." Or the client who named her newly born daughter after her lawyer,  Giannella de Marco. She named her Essa. Essa? Because her lawyer was Dottoressa de Marco

Next in line are two dear friends, Professor Giuseppe Mifsud Bonnici (later Chief Justice)  and Dr Tony Borg Barthet (later Attorney General and Judge of the European Court of Justice). The professor asked Tony whether he had read the letter of St Paul to the Romans. Tony, true to his usual prompt uninhibited humour, promptly quipped, "The Post Office Act strictly prohibits me from reading someone else's letters." I was in the same year with Tony at university and I can assure the readers we shared many adventures together, some of which will never find themselves in any publication.

Judge A. V. Camilleri, we are informed, always asked a female witness her age before taking the oath because he wanted to avoid instigating perjury. A dear friend and gentle soul, Magistrate Joe Mifsud, when dealing with minor squabbles used to try to convince the parties to just forgive each other and  forget the problem. Often he used to direct the parties to visit Ta' Pinu Sanctuary and meditate. The President of the Leone Band Club once told him to start directing some good soul to the Cathedral just opposite the law courts and avoid that shuttle service to Ta' Pinu.

Dr Benny Delia, who for some time presided the Small Claims Tribunal, once went to confess that in certain cases he decided more with his heart than his mind. The confessor assured him that was not wrong and then added, "By the way, I have just got two parking tickets..." Benny knew what was coming and decided with his heart.

In days gone by when Italian was the language of the court, Dr Henie Frendo, grandfather of my two friends, the historian Professor Henry Frendo, and lawyer and ex-minister and ex-Speaker of the House, Dr Michael Frendo, had a client who persistently sought his advice over the phone or outside in the streets (never at office). One day the good lawyer sent him a bill. When the client, who did not know Italian well, queried the reason, he quickly received a note saying, 'Per il ksiro del sormo.' A bit of Maltese and Italian may help you understand.

Another dear friend of mine and an ardent book lover like me, Dr Pawlu Lia, relates how a female client confided in him that her son was not really her husband's. Pawlu was surprised. "How can it be? He is the split image of your husband." Surprise answer: "His real father is my husband's twin brother."

When I started practicing law way back in 1973 (AD not BC) I remember receiving rents as part of a family administration. Some rents then also had what was called karnagg, i.e. giving also a rabbit or a hen. Very messy and cumbersome. I recalled this experience when I read the following anecdote. My uncle, Dr Herbert Ganado, related the story when a client visited him for advice with a hen in a sack. When the session ended, the client asked Herbert for the fee. In his heart of hearts, Uncle Herbert could not really bill him when he would be receiving a hen. So he answered, "No, nothing." And that is exactly what he received. Nothing. The client left with the hen still much alive in the sack.

You must know that, believe it or not, one lawyer did make it to heaven and...also became a saint - St Ivo. Every beginning of a forensic year the majority of lawyers join for a rowdy lunch at the end of which Judge Caruana Colombo aided by Dr Ugo Mifsud Bonnici (Emeritus President of Malta) would read a poem written by this learned judge, addressing St Ivo and informing him of colleagues, court anecdotes etc.  Dr Tonio Borg has managed to collate all these humorous poems which have regaled many a lawyer since 1961. These cannot - I repeat cannot- be missed by any lawyer. Those who may be too young and fear they would miss names and connections, need not fear at all. In fact Dr Tonio Borg has skilfully annotated all these poems with details which help the reader follow without difficulties. One big job and so well done! We all owe it to the inimitable, much-loved-and-admired duo, Judge Caruana Colombo and H. E. Dr Ugo Mifsud Bonnici.

I yearn for a time when everyone can enjoy the company of each other without division of politics, religion, class. I have always been like that but age has made me more conscious of the importance of being able to laugh with - not at - those who may share different ideals, whether old or newly-changed.

I yearn for a time when a joke, not a jeer, can solve problems.