I have followed the various letters in the media on this subject.

Since I have lived through the terrible trauma of a divorce, I feel that I have something significant to add to this debate.

One has to remember that when a couple divorces, it does not follow that both husband and wife, wished it to go ahead. Very often, one of the parties wishes the marriage to go on.

However, that is not enough, since the courts – in the majority of cases, – will grant the divorce, notwithstanding.

I give an example, where for instance either of the parties has started an affair and wishes to marry the person he or she has met. He or she starts divorce proceedings as the petitioner. There is not much the injured husband or wife (the respondent) can do to prevent that divorce from being realised, apart from ensuring that they obtain a substantial monetary settlement.

Do we really expect the respondent to spend the rest of his or her life living in celibacy?

Divorce, as awful as it is, gives that person the possibility of meeting another person, maybe remarrying and making a new start in life.

Now, let us take the other situation where divorce is not possible but with the same scenario as mentioned above. The result in such a case, would be that the adulterer/ess continues with his or her relationship and their innocent spouse will just have to grin and bear it. After months or years, the innocent party will probably meet somebody, and will also start co-habitating or having an adulterous relationship. Remember, in such a situation, there is no alternative.

The result of not having divorce available, has now resulted in both parties of the marriage having adulterous relationships. Indeed, such situations of which we have thousands, here in these Maltese islands of ours, go on for years on end.

The conclusion that one arrives to in such situations, is that adultery in our islands is much more acceptable than divorce.

In fact, we can proudly say that we do not have divorce here. However, we also must admit that we probably have one of the highest proportions of married couples committing adultery due to adulterous relationships and co-habitating.

Divorce is a necessary evil. I certainly don’t think it is the ideal solution, when a marriage has irrevocably broken down. Far from it. But it is much more acceptable than the alternative. Thousands of couples on these islands are committing adultery or co-habitating, without the chance of making a clean break and starting anew with their new partner. How sad! It’s a Hobson’s choice for them.

Lord Byron must have been thinking about such couples, when one or both partners is still married to their lawful wife or husband. A sizeable percentage of them give the impression to all and sundry, that they are still happily married to their spouse. What alternative do they have?

In Don Juan Byron says, and I quote, “Wishing each other, not divorced, but dead; They lived respectfully as man and wife?”

Colonel Dr. Raymond

Bencini

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