One of the major problems on this island, that goes hand-in-hand with drugs, is the use of alcohol.
Few know that the family’s best defence against the emotional impact and destruction of alcoholism is seeking guidance and information thus achieving the emotional maturity and guts needed to put it into effect.
The individual who may be perfectly capable of assisting an alcoholic outside the family may become naturally confused when attempting to deal with a family member who becomes a practicing alcoholic.
This is a 100 per cent reality if the drinking “drunk” is the husband, child or wife.
Though most people would seek to argue, the relative of the alcoholic may actually need more help and counselling than the alcoholic, if an effective recovery programme is to be launched.
Like abusing drugs, few realise that alcoholism is an illness – one which has a horrendous emotional impact upon the family of the alcoholic. Those who are obviously affected by the alcoholic are the husband, wife, parent, sister, etc.
Unfortunately, more often than not, the more distorted the feelings of these people become, the less adequate the help is.
The interaction may and often does become destructive rather than helpful.
They say that God helps those who help themselves but alas this is not always the case.
An alcoholic does not admit he has a problem or else if he does, he actually believes others are the blame for this “drink or two”.
Let’s take an example: A wife may find herself blamed for everything that is hitting rock bottom in an alcoholic marriage. The reality is that the long-suffering wife is no more responsible for the alcoholic husband than she would be if he had diabetes or cancer. No wife ever made her husband an alcoholic, no husband ever made his wife an alcoholic and, for God’s sake, no parents ever made their offspring alcoholics – therefore nobody can be held responsible for the alcoholic.
However, through lack of knowledge, the family of the alcoholic may unknowingly allow the illness to go unnoticed, and this is the danger.
Nobody is responsible for the birth of alcoholism, but the next of kin can help the husband, wife or child have treatment which may lead to recovery, although this cannot be absolutely assured.
The alcoholic must recognise his illness before he decides to be treated for it.
Sadly, some may remain in that merry-go-round called “denial” all their lives.
Initially we must understand that the problems that have to do with alcoholism do not lie in the bottle but in people.
The first steps of the road to recovery is for the family to learn the facts about alcoholism.
In truth the best way to help any alcoholic is to remove all traces of ignorance, acquire a more than adequate attitude based on proper teaching about alcoholism and have the courage to practice these principles when dealing with the alcoholic.
One of the greatest failures in approaching the alcoholic is the inability to understand the meaning of true love.
A family member has no more right to say to her beloved alcoholic: “if you loved me, you would not drink” than she has to say: “if you loved me you would not have Parkinson’s Disease”.
The excessive use of alcohol reveals the existence of the illness and compassion must be meted out to the alcoholic because alcohol is an anaesthetic.
When the alcoholic drinks, pain is anaesthesised.
This is called the pleasure of alcoholic escapism. Like drug use, it is a problem-solving device to relieve unpleasantness, anxiety, tension and resentment.
There is no doubt that the place to begin in helping with recovery from alcoholism in the family is with the self. One must learn all one can, and put it into practice not just into words. This will be more effective than anything one might attempt to do for the alcoholic.
Finally, one must remember that the alcoholic is a very miserable person and those we love should be given love and compassion and not unkind words, while always remembering that alcoholism is an illness.
Valerie Borg
MLP Councillor
VALLETTA