In a reply to a recent parliamentary question, it came to light that 89 new separation cases were brought before the Family Court in the first quarter. We are having an average of a separation a day! This figure must have shocked all those who have family values at heart.

There are obviously diverse causes that are leading to what I would call an epidemic. However psychologists dealing with marital problems in developed countries, today are increasingly expressing their concern about what is coined as the new infidelity. Cultural change and new technology are rapidly incrementing and altering adultery patterns even in Malta.

Cyber affairs

Internet seems to be the ultimate marriage destructor; many married people are now resorting to chat lines as an attempt to experience the fascination of virtual love. It seems the trend is that men are more likely to be after sexual relations while women fantasise about diverse relations, maybe romantic idealisation.

Some scientific results give credit to such stereotyped assumptions. Cyber affairs may offer escapism for various married life stressors while seeking someone to confide in. Others start such relations from simple curiosity. This is usually done in a covert manner, using nicknames. Anonymity induces greater courage on persons to experiment and seek new relations.

Internet affairs may primarily be considered as emotional infidelity, even if most men are likely to regard infidelity if sexual intercourse is involved. The problem escalates once virtual relations become reality to the detriment of marriage. However most of these relations, once turned into reality, are found disappointing and eventually aborted.

It is easy to find the perfect virtual lover since one does not have to deal with kids being around and everyday disruptions involved in real marriage. It seems that in the United States cyber infidelity is the culprit of one-third of broken marriages. Special websites are also available for married people who are ready to flirt outside their marriage.

Cyber affairs may be the first step towards separation; it may reduce a person’s interest in the partner and leave less time for family life, while increasing isolation. Mass internet use has also incremented access to pornography that is, unfortunately, having one of its adverse impacts on marriage unity.

However, it’s not just internet that is attacking the psyche of married couples. Male viewers are continuously bombarded by scenes of almost naked women on TV commercials and “family” variety programmes.

On its own, the latter situation does not obviously pose a serious threat but may have its own weight on the overall problem.

Workplace temptations

Infidelity at the workplace does not solely imply the popular “myth” about the boss and the sexy blond female secretary’s amorous endeavours. In reality it is much more than that. According to D. Shirley Glass, who is considered to be one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity issues, today’s affairs are more frequent and more serious than they used to be.

More men are getting emotionally involved and more women are getting sexually involved. Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity. More women are having affairs than ever before. In her book Not Just Friends, Dr Shirley Glass states that many of married women’s affairs begin at work.

From 1982 to 1990, 38 per cent of unfaithful wives attending her clinic were involved with someone from work. From 1991 to 2000, the number of such affairs increased to 50 per cent. On the other hand, from the 350 couples treated by Dr Glass, around 62 per cent of unfaithful men met their affair partners at work.

The UK is experiencing a similar crisis, being the country with the highest divorce rate in Europe. Recent statistics show that one in six men and one in 10 of all women in a serious relationship have cheated on their partners.

What is leading to such an increment in workplace infidelity? Some researchers say that infidelity occurs between colleagues who first become emotionally attached, having no thought of physical involvement. Men and women are spending more time working closely together, so bonds may easily form. Some suggest that men and women employed together under stressful conditions are more likely to become attracted to each other.

Maltese infidelity

Malta definitely has its own share of cyber and workplace affairs. To a certain extent it may even be more dangerous here due to the small size of the islands, since cyber affairs may turn into reality more easily.

The extremely inflated property prices, lifetime loans and a consumerist mentality among others are surely inflicting more stress on the married couple.

The alarming increase in separation cases may also reflect the rise in women’s financial independence.

There is no one solution to solve such a complex crises. Nowadays a healthy marriage requires more than just love and a regal wedding reception.

A marriage must be based on true love and devotion, more money, open-mindedness, common sense, sacrifice, courage, commitment, pragmatism, patience, improved communication skills, gender role flexibility, respect and much more; otherwise a good lawyer.

If you’re not ready for this, than you’d better think twice about it!

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