Anna Micallef takes care of the Focus Project, part of the Caritas’ Prevention Unit which targets schoolchildren. Interview by Josanne Cassar

During the scholastic year, Anna Micallef spends a lot of her time in schools talking to children in Year 6 and Forms 3 and 4 about various prevention topics, including the use and abuse of tobacco, alcohol, drugs and other related subjects such as peer pressure and self-esteem. It is all part of the Focus Project of which she is in charge, in which pre-teens and teenagers are specifically targeted. The sessions are creative as well as interactive and adopt a preventive stance that is carefully tailored to the various age groups.

“In Year 6, where the average age is 11, I start off by discussing cigarettes and alcohol. I consider this year a crucial one because in the following year these students, still at a very impressionable age, will go to a senior school and can be misled very easily by the behaviour and choices of older kids. Our statistics also show that persons who abuse drugs later on in life frequently begin to experiment at around this age, sometimes even earlier. In Form 3, we address drugs (including prescription drugs), peer pressure, and alcohol. In Form 4, we tackle the subjects of self-esteem and sexually-transmitted diseases.”

Anna points out that it is crucial to reach out to children under the age of 16, because the early adolescent years are highly formative and experimental, and young people need to acquire self-regard, self-control and respect for others. Up until then, their parents would have always set limits for them, but with maturity should come an awareness that they have to learn to say “no” for themselves.

“The students are quick to tell me, ‘but adults drink alcohol too!’ And they’re right, and adults also sometimes get drunk, so this is a tricky one! However, we discuss with them the differences between dependence and social drinking, and emphasise that adults too must be disciplined and set their limits. We encourage the students to discuss possible consequences of alcohol abuse, such as, when you are drunk you are uninhibited and out of control and may do things which are senseless, even humiliating and which you may bitterly regret once you are sober. These issues are discussed in context, to make it more real to the students, and so we also talk about drunken behaviour during village feasts.

“I feel concerned that young children are exposed to these, and other, events where excessive consumption of alcohol is par for the course. Then there are the parties where kids are present such as the Holy Communion and Confirmation parties – we have all heard of instances where kids were offered champagne or told to “come have some wine…” as if it is the most appropriate thing in the world! Although many parents do not realise it, in Malta offering underage children alcoholic beverages is actually illegal, and we need to remember why it is illegal.”

While some might think that allowing a child to sip some wine is “harmless”, Anna stresses that this permissive attitude may help to foster a culture of tolerance of underage drinking. It may also promote the idea that, in order to celebrate, you need to have alcohol. When children become adolescents and start going out by themselves, they extend the idea and may believe that they have to drink to have fun.

But, I ask her, haven’t we always had this attitude towards alcohol in our culture where wine is present at the table for Sunday lunch and no one thinks twice about letting children try it out?

“Having wine on the table does not necessarily mean that the children are allowed to try it out! That is an adult drink, and parents must ensure that drinks which are suitable for children are also available. They must also set the children an example of moderation. However, even if for a long time it was considered acceptable and normal for children to “have a sip”, that does not mean it is OK! In the old days it was considered acceptable to dip a baby’s dummy in alcohol to get him to sleep or to alleviate sore gums when he is teething… now we know better.

“That is why we have to educate parents and focus on prevention. Not everything that we did in the past was good for children. Take the habit of sending kids out to buy cigarettes for adults – in the past, nobody thought twice about it and children were sold cigarettes by shop-owners, but now we are much more aware of the hazards and the ethical dimension of sending a child out to buy cigarettes and then telling him or her not to smoke. Apart from reinforcing the notion that smoking is OK, children can obviously say the cigarettes are for their parents and buy them for themselves. Young teenagers want to be cool or macho, so they start smoking… they are not aware of how addictive tobacco is, nor of how difficult it is to quit.

“Later on in life, when they are told to quit for health reasons, heavy smokers often lament that had they known, they would never have taken up smoking in the first place.”

Anna says that smoking is an increasing trend among young girls because they use cigarettes to curb their appetite, especially around Form 3. Girls come under a great deal of pressure to be slim and conform to unrealistic standards portrayed by stick-thin models. Why can’t they be helped to learn to adopt healthy eating and exercise as a way of controlling their weight, and why do we inundate them with such unrealistic advertising images, right when they are at their peak of adolescent vulnerability? she asks.

When it comes to abuse of prescription medicine, Anna feels that some adult behaviour may often unwittingly promote this.

“We take pills too casually, whether it is sleeping pills or aspirin… instead of finding out why we are getting headaches or not sleeping, and trying to find other solutions. Popping a pill is the quick fix. Children take note of this behaviour and tend to imitate it. Unfortunately, many young people find that they have to be hooked on something in order to have fun, rather than finding fun within themselves. So they turn to ecstasy to get high, or take a drink to get rid of stress; it is a pattern of behaviour which becomes addictive and which is generalised as a coping mechanism to many situations.”

There has often been debate on whether legalising “soft” drugs can lead to an increase of abuse of hard drugs – Anna is one of those people who firmly believes that it does.

“Once you start ‘depending’ on something, it is very easy for it to lead to other addictions. Let me give you an example. During my sessions at schools, one of the most frequent drinks that kids mention is red bull and vodka. Now, we know that underage drinking of alcohol is illegal. In addition, mixing an energy drink that is high in sugar with alcohol can give adolescents a very quick and unnatural high, with a very false sense of well-being that may encourage the lowering of normal inhibitions. Even using energy drinks in this way can sometimes create problems. Imagine if smoking marijuana became legalised! Unfortunately, it is easy to progress from smoking joints, in order to get high and feel relaxed, to taking heroin or other “hard” drugs. In addition, people who lobby for legalisation of this very addictive substance, frequently deliberately downplay the harmful effects of marijuana itself. In reality, people who smoke joints often suffer loss of memory, become apathetic, may become paranoid, are more at risk of lung cancer and so on. It is addictive patterns in general that we work to prevent, by reaching children at as young an age as possible.”

The Focus Project talks are helpful in other ways. Anna says that children often ask her how they can help friends who have a drug problem. While some kids can get caught up in a circle of peer pressure, others genuinely want to help their friends. Anna recommends that they speak to their Personal and Social Development teachers and school counsellors, and also refers them to Caritas’ helpful Teenzone website, where age-appropriate material on such topics is posted regularly.

As a mother of two grown-up children, Anna has hands on experience in dealing with adolescents. Using a combination of her own knowledge, background reading and the experiences of other parents whom she meets regularly, she has developed a knack for reaching out to kids. The trick, she says, is not to preach to them, but to let them talk.

“The children feel very comfortable because our sessions take the form of informal debates. I pose certain questions and they find the answers themselves, through a process of carefully facilitated discussion. They are very interested in the subject, and don’t find it boring or see it as yet another lecture about drugs. There is also the advantage that, since we only visit a school twice, the children may feel freer to ask questions because we are ‘outsiders’, and not the teacher whom they see every day.”

This is especially true with regards to the sessions held with Form 4 students, where the topic turns to sexual relationships and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. What alarms Anna is that there is a high incidence of adolescents being sexually active at the age of 14 and 15, and yet the students do not always appear to have a good understanding of sexually transmitted diseases.

“They only think of pregnancy, or HIV and AIDS, and yet some viral infections don’t show up externally. Then there are the psychological issues, especially if they have multiple partners, because they are simply not prepared for what this really means. Because they are so young, they fail to think things through and act on impulse alone. Even seemingly inconsequential events can cause psychological distress. One girl told me that she got drunk and kissed a guy and afterwards felt repulsed and cheap because she didn’t even like him! Casual sex can have especially lingering psychological consequences for girls. They seem to be more susceptible to suffering a loss of self-respect and to feeling confused, hurt or rejected afterwards. This can harm the development of good relationships further down the line – getting emotionally hurt at a young age takes a long time to heal.”

Parents too may have a lot of misconceptions about sex – even in this day and age – and, in many homes, the subject is still taboo. At one particular school, the girls told Anna that there is too much over protection, with their parents constantly warning them “don’t do this” or “don’t do that”, especially before a night out.

“The irony is that when they go home after a Saturday night out, their parents don’t ask them anything. The girls really want to talk to their parents, but the parents may not realise how best to discuss the subject. Sometimes, we adults see so much danger around us that we react instinctively and, rather than have an open discussion about possible dangers, we adopt the somewhat easier route of trying to warn them off. But this is vital real-life education and we should be trying to communicate with our children. Teenagers often grumble that “either I do it my mother’s way or nothing. She closes the door in my face”. Instead of constantly barraging children with questions, “where are you going, who will you be wit” or, worse still, criticising their friends, it is perhaps more fruitful, certainly more tactful, to try and keep the communication channels open, to allow our children to bring their friends over, so that we have an opportunity to get to know their friends at close range.”

Apart from courses and weekend seminars for teenagers, Caritas also organises parental skills courses. Anna feels that parents need to become more involved so that, together with educators, they may work towards the same goal.

“The biggest worry is that children could be receiving a lot of mixed messages between what they are told at school, and what actually happens at home. ‘Mummy lets me drink a bit of wine, so what?’ One girl said that her relatives often come to her home and that they and her mother all smoke quite heavily. When she complains about the smoke to her mother, she is told, ‘this is my house, and I can do what I like.’ Unfortunately, children will almost inevitably follow the example of adults. When it comes to parental talks, we find that those who need it the most are sometimes the ones that give them a miss. This is why I believe that using the media to impart these values is very effective.”

Another concern for Anna is how parents handle discipline – she says that discipline ought to be addressed more firmly if we want to help our children avoid ending up with the wrong crowd.

“You often hear parents say, ‘I don’t want my child to be worse off than others’ – what does this mean exactly? Does it mean that we should hand them everything they want on a silver platter? But the world is not like that! We’ve gone to extremes: from having a generation which believed in too much discipline to the present rather laissez faire attitude. Self-discipline is also lacking. There is this general feeling of apathy – ‘I will only do what I feel like doing.’ But if you only do things when the mood hits you, what are the consequences? Adolescents have to learn how to stop and think. If they are unsure of something, they shouldn’t do it.

“We should teach children that if they make a mistake, that’s OK, but they are responsible and should try and correct it, and not repeat it the next time they find themselves in a similar situation. They must learn other strategies, try different things and handle themselves another way; otherwise they will keep on repeating the same mistakes. That is what prevention focuses on – reinforcing these positive messages.”

Admittedly, the teenage years are probably the hardest for children and parents alike. Teenagers are always exploring, experimenting, trying to rebel against the patterns set by their parents before them, and the more they are forbidden to do something, the more tantalising and irresistible it will seem to them. That is why discussion, as opposed to dictatorship, at home is crucial.

Teenagers speak a lot about life’s disappointments and Anna encourages them to make a list, in order to formulate their ideas and give them perspective. The most common are: shyness, problems at home, failing exams, financial difficulties, depression and death. Effective as well as futile strategies towards dealing with these problems are discussed. If you turn to drugs will you solve the problem? What could be a better solution?

“When teenagers realise that everyone passes through stress, relationship problems and so on, you can ask them to find alternative solutions. Drugs and alcohol only make you feel worse and bring you down even further because of possible life-long consequences. They need to be helped to make the link between the choice, which is in their hands, and the outcome.”

Her contact with young people has made Anna very aware of where we could be going wrong with our kids.

“What worries me is that we could be relying too much on technology, TV, computers, play station and DVDs which seem to have taken the place of real communication. We have filled our homes with material comforts, but sometimes forget to provide the essential family contact. A mother may tell her child, ‘you can’t have friends over because you’ll get the house dirty’, or ‘don’t speak to me right now, I’m too busy’. Children often mention these things, and that may be why they turn to each other when they have problems, rather than their parents.

“One girl told me, ‘my mother finds time to argue, to order me around and nag me, but she doesn’t find time to just talk to me.’ Of course parents are rightly worried by their children’s apparent lack of discipline, and try to urge their children to overcome it. Parents may also feel fearful and insecure about their own parenting abilities. But in the presence of children, it is important to hide our own anger, resentment and hurt. Otherwise the kids will end up with all this anger and stress and feel that no one understands them.

“Being a parent is so much more than maintaining discipline or trying to get the children to study. We have to be truly there when they need us. That is our duty as parents, and no technological substitute will ever take the place of a loving parent’s hug.”