As Christmas time approaches, most of us don’t want to think about politicians and union leaders, demonstrations or protests, EU statistics and international terrorism, the Census people who won’t leave us alone, or about how much CHOGM did or didn’t not cost us.

Most of us turn to relationship issues at this time, of family and friends, of partners or more, or less. Statistically at least, in the UK at least but probably even here, Christmas is also a time when we drink too much, talk too much and may end up groping the wrong person (otherwise known as infidelity) too much...

Xarabank’s latest offering last Friday on infidelity was in that sense timely, I thought, and was essentially dominated by a large female audience who do not, or who appear not to want to, understand it.

The few men who tried to honestly represent the way most men feel about the subject were made to look extreme and selfish but honestly, why do so many of us women refuse to accept things the way they are and instead pine for things which cannot be?

There was a good joke going around lately about women who can visit a department store (where they can shop for their ideal man) and on every floor, there are amazing men. On the first floor the men are drop dead gorgeous, on the second they are also wealthy, on the third they love kids as well and so on. But most of the women just keep on going until they get to the top floor where there are no men left because, so the joke goes, women are never happy with what they have, and want the impossible. This is a male perception of us that isn’t totally wrong, is it?

Statistics and perceptions usually confirm what we all think we know – that men are far more unfaithful than women. Something like 60 per cent of men admit to infidelity, but only 30 per cent of women do. Now this probably only means that men are more likely to admit to their sexual adventures than women. And assuming these are heterosexual men and women, it either means that some women are very busy indeed and are, in fact, having far more adventures than the men, or that men are sleeping with a relatively small group of women.

Looking around me though, I think infidelity is roughly shared by men and women, in equal measure. The only reason I grant there is more male infidelity (excluding the many men who visit a regular prosti-tute) is that there seem to be more gay men, or more practising gay men, than women, many of whom are married or in stable relationships, yet who obviously must be unfaithful to their wives with other men.

The lack of ability of Maltese women to see that their men are gay never ceases to amaze me. Only last week I saw this amazingly turned out couple, he dolled up to the nines looking interested every time a male walked past, and ignoring all the females, including his wife. So many gay men show they are gay and I am surprised our women can’t see it. You hear lots of things like “Le dak iffeminat” or similar excuses, as if being gay is a sin or worse.

But then the pain these women must feel when they eventually do realise must be beyond belief. And the fact that so many gay men are still hiding it in 2005 Malta because coming out is still so unbearable, is a terrible indictment of this society and its lack of tolerance. What can be good about a gay man living a lie, fooling his wife and kids, while he lusts and pines after men is really beyond me and I feel very sorry for the women caught up in this trap who really have no escape, except eventual humiliation.

Back to Xarabank. One woman professional in the audience said that in fact fidelity was becoming , in more modern Western countries (which we certainly are not yet) actually what marriage is about. In many European countries your legal status is not that different whether you are married or not, so women and men are opting for marri-age when they are prepared to opt for fidelity. This is as yet unthinkable here. People, many people, still marry to improve their prospects, with family wealth regarded as a huge pull. This means that Plain Jane with no personality from a wealthy family can still expect to be able to pull the most desirable hunks, urged by their mamas who see financial security as the key to all things. And afterwards so many just lead their own lives – another way of describing infidelity.

Of course, these men are often very careful to two-time their wives with women from a different class or social circle so their behaviour can remain hidden for a long time, but infidelity is so mainstream in this society, where you can’t even divorce your mate if you find him or her in bed with someone else, that really once you get married, you have a licence to do what you like, instead of the other way round, which should be a commitment to actually change your ways and opt for fidelity.

Do you still believe the statistics? That only a few women are busy all year round... but especially so at Christmastime! Who really believes men are more unfaithful than women? Most women I know have started all the affairs themselves, with the men of course as very willing partners. In this respect at least, we lead and they follow...