Kids need their dads.
For the majority who are bringing up their kids with dad around, whether on a daily or a weekend arranged basis, and for the kids who are for the most part benefiting and enjoying this experience, this all goes without saying.
However, an increasing number of women seem to deal with their failed relationships with men by taking it out on their kids, sometimes by not encouraging the father-child bond, others by attempting to erase dad from the picture altogether.
Of course, there are also some women who have had to endure monstrous abuse, and others who just flit from one sperm insemination to another, and wear their single parent badge with pride and as easy access to relief, but these are more unusual cases than we think. Unfortunately, we tend to bundle all single parents together here, from women who are separated to those who just get caught having unprotected sex before they marry, or settle down.
If you want to hear the best one-liner ever from a son whose mother does not want him to go on a trip with dad, go see Thank You for Smoking – a newly-released, clever, touching and funny movie which is as much about the smoking industry as it is about the need for “daddy” love, even if dad is a lobbyist for the tobacco industry, of all things.
Perhaps the trouble all started with this single parent tag. I wonder who coined it. It’s a tag that may be more relevant in larger countries like the US and UK, where dads do literally disappear if they go off to work in another state or county or whatever town or whatever – but in Malta?
Who, beyond the exceptions I outlined above, are really single parents here? The absolute and vast majority of mums know who the dads are. The majority of these dads have a role, however small in their kids upbringing, even if they are not even named on the birth certificate, simply so any income they give the mum can be supplemented with relief money.
Yet for years, public policy in this area, not just in Malta, but all over the developed world, has assumed no “dad” presence, and has funded the mothers accordingly. The state became a substitute for dad, which was perhaps acceptable when single parent families were an exception, but is obviously now unsustainable when they represent still a small number of families overall, but a very high proportion of newly forming family with children set-ups.
The Clinton administration took quite severe steps in this area to root out this widespread abuse of welfare, as well as to encourage dads to take their responsibilities seriously, and the changes were enacted with cross party support. These steps essentially meant that a benefit or welfare cheque is not a substitute for a dad. There is strict child support enforcement which has raised collection rates by more than 50 per cent, and programmes on marriage and fatherhood education to dispel the myth that some young guys have been encouraged to have, that somehow kids are the mums’ concern and not the dads’.
On the other hand, Britain, which has been much, much softer in this area, has one of the highest rates of single parent families anywhere, with 27 per cent of all children being brought up in this way, very often supported by benefit.
And even Gordon Brown’s tax credit system, which is a substitute for what is often a male wage, makes it even more unlikely that mums would need or even declare the presence of a father.
And surely in this tiny island we could just laugh off claims of so many women (and often their silent but present boyfriend) that the father is unknown? And that relief is therefore needed, and in many cases practically for life?
Sometimes it still is, of course, because dad is unemployed, usually because they are unwilling to work, or for whatever other reason women may not want to declare the father’s name on the birth certificate. If they are not going to go on and claim benefit, that is their right, although I think in the main, it is unfair on children to grow up and find out about this dad unknown tag on their birth certificate when dad certainly was and is known to them.
But if they want the taxpayer to fund their French nail-polish, mobile and bottle- blonde lifestyle, surely we can take a tougher stand, not least in favour of those who really do have huge problems and expenses (particularly when there is sickness or disability in the family), because for these families, current levels of relief are not really adequate.
While many women are increasingly giving up on men, society and the government that represents it need not give up on dads. Currently at Gottenburg University, six mice have been bred from artificial sperm, opening up the possibility that women could, if they want in the future, be impregnated with sperm grown from their own stem cells.
Until that ugly brave new world comes along, we need to actually stem at least this cultural demise in the need for fatherhood, both as a presence and as a source of funding the family. Governments need not, indeed should not, become the payroll for dads.
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