We have unfortunately reached the stage where 13 and 14-year-olds are going on excessive drinking trips. They are the alcoholics of tomorrow. One must keep in mind that a real alcoholic forms part of a close circle of people who are themselves alcoholics. They feel “at home” and accepted by them. What people quite close to the alcoholic don’t realise is that these are people who are crying out for help. Lecturing, blaming or scolding them won’t help them at all, because alcoholism is in itself a disease.

When with a husband/daughter/son, etc., it is utterly useless to pour away their drinks. It is actually a waste of time because, like a drug addict, an alcoholic can always find ways and means of getting hold of some drink or another. Alcoholics are not proud of themselves; actually they hate themselves to the core of their being. If one is provoked enough to attack the alcoholic verbally or physically, one only hastens to confirm the bad opinion of himself the alcoholic already has. Denial of reality is a symptom of their disease. What makes them feel really worse is that they totally lose respect for people (even the ones they love) whom they can fool so easily.

Many try to help the alcoholic by assuming their responsibilities, by lying for them, by being exploited in some way or another, by paying any bills they might run up or meeting their obligations. Alas, this is a fatal mistake, for no alcoholic will be driven to seek help if everybody is there for him quite willingly, providing an automatic escape from the consequences of his drinking. Alcoholics are people for whom their dependency takes up the major share of their lives. They are no longer interested in family, friends, work, sex or even food. All they see is a bottle. A bottle is the first thing they see when they awake and the last thing on their mind before they sleep.

Family members of the alcoholic can really only do one thing. They somehow have to learn all they can about alcoholism themselves and go to open Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Only at these meetings can family members learn how to relate to the alcoholic. Only people with a great deal of knowledge about alcoholism can help one see the situation they are “living in” clearly.

Valerie Borg

Valletta