I think I crossed over some sort of very unhealthy boundary on Thursday evening when I spent the night dreaming about Steve McClaren.

Although myself and the England boss didn’t share any intimate moments – that would have been truly terrifying – the very fact that he has managed to land a starring role in my dreams is of serious concern.

From the little I remember, and it is becoming increasingly sketchy, the dream had something to do with a World Cup qualifier, a bucket of fish and Keiron Dyer.

Quite how those three things combined is beyond me but those are the only memories I have. If there are any dream experts out there who can help me decipher this one it would be greatly appreciated. And if you can give me any clues on how to stop it happening again, that would be even more appreciated. Very much more.

Anyway, back to reality and the man himself has spent the week in the media trying to defend his, frankly, appalling record as England manager thus far.

I, for one, cannot remember the last time England went four games without a win but that exactly the sort of form he has managed to produce from his players in recent months.

Now he is suggesting it is the friendly matches themselves that are to blame and, as a result, England will play less of these practice games in future years.

I can, of course, see the benefits in having the players together for longer periods of time but only if this leads up to a match rather than at the expense of one.

I am not the biggest fan of non-competitive matches but the problem with them doesn’t lie in the concept itself but in the way everybody approaches them.

Firstly club managers have got to start letting players play for their national teams and stop all this “just 45 minutes” nonsense.

That would cut off McClaren’s main supply of excuses and force him to start taking these games seriously, field his strongest team and push them hard for victory. That way he – and the fans – would start to take something out of them.

It’s only the fact that McClaren and his peers treat friendlies with contempt which actually makes them relatively worthless. Treat them seriously and they become a valuable way of assessing progress and enabling the team to perform with greater consistency.

Who knows, more consistency may even lead to a bit of real success, maybe even a tournament win. That way McClaren can help fulfill my dreams rather than invade them.

Comeback of the week:

Harry Redknapp, to his players: “We need to score more from midfield. Frank Lampard has got 17 this season.”

Player: “That’s why he’s on 150 grand a week…”

Quote of the week:

Ex-manager and current TV pundit Graham Taylor shared this pearl of wisdom with his viewers: “I have a feeling it is the bottom three that will go down.” Really?

Chant of the week:

Southampton fans to Man City fans: “Glory, glory, Man United!”

Man City fans reply: “There’s only one Harry Redknapp!”

Vladimir Romanov

You’ve got to hand it to Vladimir Romanov when it comes to making waves.

Since taking control of Hearts a couple of years ago, the controversial Russian has rarely been off the front or back pages of the newspapers.

He has fired managers for fun, picked teams himself, made weird claim after weird claim about everything to do with Scottish football, seen his club captain publicly go against him before getting fired and basically been the most controversial thing to happen north of the border in decades.

But I get the feeling he may have just overstepped the boundary with his latest comments suggesting the big two – Celtic and Rangers – fix matches.

“They buy off players and referees,” Romanov told a Russian football magazine. “They have turned football into a type of showbusiness with their underhand games.”

Celtic chairman Brian Quinn has reacted to the claims with understandable fury and is considering legal action. And I am pretty sure Rangers will follow suit.

Up until now his antics at Hearts have been amusing, though probably not for fans of the club.

However, this latest petulant outburst is just too much. People like Romanov, controversial for the sake of it, have no place in football in any country.

If there is a legal way UEFA or even FIFA could ban him from owning any club they should do so with immediate effect.

If not he will continue to rant and rave like the idiot he clearly is.

Contact James on: [email protected]