Each and everyone of us has experienced betrayal. When it does happen it really hurts. Whether we like it or not, betrayal is part of life. Yet, it is not its full picture. Every betrayal calls for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a painful experience. It is mostly so because we are faced with a hurting face all the time: ourselves. Having said that, to authentically live one’s life, each one of us is invited to forgive.

Forgiveness is a process. In forgiveness, one’s past, present and future seem to be open to reinterpretation and hope. When one is hurt, one is more liable to resist from forgiving and let herself/himself be taken prey of her/his own anger.

Humility is needed not only to prevent this from happening but also to start realising one’s need for forgiveness. It is in the light of the latter that one becomes aware of the offender’s need to be understood and shown compassion.

This reframing in perceiving the offender as the one who is to be reached opens the hurting person to relate with the offender in a more constructive way. If the latter is open to what is occurring to her/him, she/he might let the guilt feelings she/he might be experiencing motivate her/him to meet the person she/he has offended and carry out remedial actions of repentance.

But even if one’s offender chooses not to open up, at least the possibility of doing so has been given by the hurting party. Forgiveness is a dynamic process whereby one’s relationship with oneself, others and God is being continually revisited and redefined.

The greatest benefit reaped from forgiveness can be summed up by what Lewis B. Smedes wrote: “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”. Yes. In Robby B. Cunningham’s words, forgiveness means “experience[ing] a freedom and a power to disentangle one’s self from another, and thereby to move on in his or her life unencumbered with the weight of life frozen in humiliation, hatred and estrangement”. It means embracing one’s wounds without letting them fester or pester one’s way forward.

For one to forgive, one must see the broader picture. The bigger the picture, the greater the possibility for forgiveness. If one sees oneself as part of a cosmic process where one is only a participant and not the arbitrator, one is truly willing to forgive. When God, the self and the other are taken into account, forgiveness becomes a beautiful, harmonious and orchestrated movement.

It starts from the heart of the hurting person, extends to the offender and in the process it meets God. Forgiveness spells out the need that both the offender and the offended rediscover the merciful love of God in Christ, who is himself our forgiveness. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace (Eph. 1,7).

In her single Frozen, the famous American pop singer Madonna warned of the terrible consequence when forgiveness does not take place: “You’re frozen when your heart’s not open.” On the contrary, the heart is warmed when we impart forgiveness. As we forgive, we not only start experiencing the healing reality of being forgiven but also risk opening ourselves to include other people too.

Fr Mario Attard

OFM Cap

San Gwann