I would like to refer to Marisa Micallef’s article Languishing ladies (TMID, 27 August). The writer answers her own question as to why men do not want to marry 30-40-ish women when she states:

“...and if men can pick and choose and go younger and younger, or foreign or more foreign, the imbalance and the Catholic-Arab attitude we have in many relationships is bound to persist.”

I happen to be Catholic and, find that sort of remark rather insulting. I date a lot of foreign women (from Shanghai to Somalia, quite literally) and have yet to meet a single one who fits the stereotype “submissive”. On the contrary, these women are all ambitious and successful. One is currently a real estate magnate, another is a rising financial manager for a major bank.

The question I’d raise with Ms Micallef is this: what are 30-40-ish women doing to meet men?

A major bone of contention among men (at least here in the USA) is that while women may talk of equality, they still expect the man to assume the traditional role of paying for dating, then the husband supporting the wife in marriage. After decades of feminism, I would think that women would be proud to pick up their half of the tab.

I urge Ms Micallef to ask her single female friends how many of them have approached a single man, asked him for his phone number, followed up by calling him and asking him out – and then paying for the date.

The odd thing is this: when men try to communicate with women about their very real dating concerns, women do not seem to listen. An all too common female response is calling men names such as “commitmentphobe” – and worse.

Do women believe that calling men names is the way to their hearts? Turn the situation around. Suppose a man called a woman “frigid” if she turned him down for sex. Would we not consider that insulting and, these days, no doubt worthy of a lawsuit?

Men have a right to choose. If a man says “no” to a middle-aged woman, I would think Ms Micallef would respect that as much as she would expect him to respect it when a woman said “no” to sex.

The point is, perhaps if middle-aged women sat down and actually talked to middle-aged men and found out what they wanted, they might find that their chances for marriage would be greatly improved.

Joseph Miranda

Los Angeles, USA