Last month, private letters written by Mother Teresa were published for the first time and revealed a 50- year struggle with her faith, or more accurately lack of it, in God. Immediately she was branded a hypocrite in some Roman Catholic quarters. I think not. I believe that she loved Jesus and Christian teaching so much that she soldiered on despite her doubts, doing great things and, more importantly, in his name. So instead of demonising this saint let us acknowledge a few genuine hypocrites instead. Here are the “Howard’s World Rankings” for summer 2007:
11. The US military for criticising UK military performance in Iraq and Afghanistan while yet again managing to kill three more British soldiers due to their own lack of military skill often born out of trigger happy cowardice. Sometimes just having the best equipment isn’t enough.
10. The UK government for having said this latest incident was regrettable while having failed time and again to invest in proper recognition systems and thus put the lives of their own troops at risk. Sometimes having the best equipment is essential.
9. The Dubai government for having banned gambling at home and then deciding to invest £2.5 billion in MGM Mirage, the world’s second largest casino company.
8. Tin pot dictator Robert Mugabe for ordering price reductions and other idiotic socialist economic measures in a vain attempt to arrest the collapse of the Zimbabwe economy while ordering an extravagant new fleet of very expensive luxury limousines for himself and his henchmen in true African dictator style.
7. British left wing rag the Daily Mirror for having been continually horrified by right wing political intrigues like Watergate and then getting caught trying to infiltrate Conservative Central Office. The Tory Party chairman’s prospective assistant, one Emily Miller, was recently rumbled as a “sleeper” planted by the pro New Labour government newspaper.
6. The American domiciled self-publicist, journalist and author Tina Brown for declaring that the late Princess of Wales was “the first yummy mummy” when research into the subject for her recent book must have told her that Diana’s lack of mental well-being ensured that she was a manipulative, cruel and deeply flawed woman who at times lived in a complete fantasy world and found it impossible to tell the truth. I’m all for recognising Diana’s good points, such as they were, but not to the exclusion of her failings as if she were some 20th century Snow White with a horrid little entourage of Seven Dwarves like Paul Burrell.
5. The ridiculously vain little French emperor Nicky Sarkozy for having declared that he had no time for Winston Churchill as he was too fat while having his friend, the owner of Paris Match magazine, order the airbrushing of Sarkozy’s own “love handles” from his waist before a picture of the tiny Napoleon appeared in that “sympathetic” publication.
4. The Chinese government for claiming to open its doors increasingly to freedom of speech before the 2008 Olympic Games while preventing Yuan Weijing boarding a plane for the Philippines where she was due to collect an award on behalf of her Chinese dissident husband Cher Guangchang.
3. The British Justice secretary, Jack Straw, for blaming child violence, drug abuse and murder on a lack of parental control while having spent the last decade with his colleagues, like Fat Controller Gordon Brown, doing everything he could to destroy the family unit and replace it with an all controlling socialist State run by those, like him, who apparently know best.
2. Tiny tot dictator Vladimir Putin for claiming that Russia remains an elective democracy while his KGB mates apparently continue to delight in murdering unsympathetic journalists and have now started to incarcerate less serious political opponents in mental hospitals – just like the good old USSR used to before the collapse of the Soviet Union.
1. But for the 20th summer running the Howard’s World Ranking, number one hypocrite award goes to all those Islamic extremists who proclaim that God is love while murdering and maiming women and children in his name. Congratulations boys – I can see you remaining at no 1 for several years to come.
You know what? Mother Teresa appears to be quite a human being to me and here in Malta even old “Red Dom” and “Gonzo Dog’ seem to be OK compared to most of those people.
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Italian MP and Wal-Mart promote modern new liberal Christian values
A foot-high plastic Jesus doll that quotes the scriptures is battling for sales against Barbie dolls in the aisles of Wal-Mart’s stores across the Midwest and the South of the US. Their popularity is apparently due to the fact that it makes it easier for parents to introduce religion through the worship of a doll.
Do you know I’m certain that I was taught that the Bible tells us not to worship craven idols – but then it was written a long time ago wasn’t it so western liberal academics will no doubt want to re-write most of it in order to bring it up to date with what they know to be right won’t they?
Meanwhile, over in Rome last month, an Italian, Cosimo Mele, 50, a Christian Democrat MP, defended being caught in bed with two prostitutes while his wife was expecting their fourth child by saying: “So politicians in the UDC do not make love? Of course I recognise Christian values. But what has that got to do with being with a prostitute? It was a personal matter.”
Then, just as his party bosses’ brains were doing overtime to think how they could explain that away he added, “This affair has nothing to do with family values. I cannot be branded a bad father and a bad husband simply because after five or six days away from home an occasion presented itself.”
Well Cosimo old man, I know what you mean and, as a man who has always lived in a glasshouse, I’m not about to throw any stones. However, I bet your actions and those of Wal-Mart make the crazy ayatollahs in Iran sleep easier each night telling themselves that if they hadn’t mangled little boys’ right arms for stealing bread they might have grown up to be like you – and Cosimo, old fruit, if you don’t believe me just ask them.
But I would suggest doing so by telephone or e-mail – it might be safer.
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The Gonzi goal – Malta the most exclusive destination in the Med
Apparently, good old Dr Lawrence Gonzi, leader of the great “Gonzo Dog Do Da Band”, wants Malta to become the “most exclusive” tourist destination in the Med by 2015. What a nice idea! I love it as I sincerely do this island, its people and my home here in Mdina. However, I also know, having had the good fortune to visit most of the “most exclusive” destinations in Europe that “Gonzo” has more chance of scoring for Manchester United in the 2015 FA Cup Final than this.
Why? Well for a start, Malta boasts an appallingly unfocused and amateur marketing campaign that fails to attract the right people in the first place. And if such people do end up here despite the tacky and cheap adverts, they will find 5,000 years of history poorly preserved and promoted, an island littered with unfinished buildings, abandoned cars and rubbish and the jewel city of Valletta falling apart and dead as a graveyard at night.
Malta has such potential but continues to be badly let down by the powers that be when it comes to tourism. Politicians have been talking this way here for more than 20 years. During this time Malta’s reputation has not advanced one jot on the “most exclusive” destinations in the Med and personally I see no evidence that this is about to change.
If “Gonzo” really believes he can “win the race” against St Tropez, Cannes, Monte Carlo, Positano, Portofino, Marbella, the Italian Lakes and the rest by 2015, I’ll have a bucket of whatever he’s on and dream about scoring the winning goal for Aston Villa against Manchester United in that Cup Final. I would be 65 then but if Gonzo can be that positive then why shouldn’t I.
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Statistics and surveys?
In a global economy where statistics and surveys apparently play an all important part in telling entrepreneurs exactly what they need to know in order to target market their products, one is bound to question their validity to the rest of us and even ask if they don’t sometimes create an inaccurate impression.
For example, we are told that Japanese women have been the world’s longest living for the last 22 years. Currently, they live to 85.81 years, while Hong Kong women come second at 84.6 and Swiss and Spanish women third at 83.9.
British women are the fattest in Europe and the least likely to care about how their boyfriends or husbands see them. French women are the dirtiest as they shower least and La Belle France is generally a little stinky with the nation buying less soap per head per annum than anybody else and, apparently, Parisian taxi drivers are also the smelliest and rudest in Europe.
However, Parisian waiters are the rudest in the world while French businessmen are the most distrusted in the EU. American men and women are the world’s most obese and they are also the most hated tourists despite strong competition from the Germans.
Greek men are the most likely to “goose” a girl’s bottom, much to the annoyance of Italian men, who promise to step up their rate in order to overtake them.
Rather unsurprisingly, the Italians eat the most pasta but it is the Spanish who are the most likely to smell of garlic while the Portuguese are apparently the least friendly race in Europe.
Scotland is both the most drunken and violent country in the EU. Britain, in general, tops nearly every despicable league table in the developed world, but higher percentages of Swedes decide to commit suicide than anyone else.
The Saudi Arabians find it easier to pervert the truth than any other nation while the Germans and the Norwegians eat the worst food. Turkey has the most horrible football fans. Zimbabwe has the world’s worst inflation.
More people die on Indian trains (around 3,650 per annum) than anywhere else while Pakistan houses the most terrorists.
Finally, I’m sad to report that Malta’s claim to fame is that it boasts the biggest female parking wardens on the face of the earth since records started in 1960. Actually guys you know what, on reflection, this all sounds pretty accurate to me.