Election time is just round the corner. Reading the daily newspapers, it is very evident that all political parties have gone into overdrive.

Sadly, the theme at the moment is to throw as much mud at the other parties as possible.

How sad! The late US President John Kennedy’s famous quote should act as a prompt for all, during these times. The question should be not what Malta can do for us, but what we can do for this wonderful country of ours.

With tongue in cheek, I will just give the electorate a few hilarious and educational quotes and vignettes, which were taken from two popular books “Man walks into a bar” and “The funniest thing you never said”. As a doctor, I have always found that laughter is the best medicine.

My aim is to put humour into a serious problem facing the country. We Maltese take ourselves far too seriously. So read on and enjoy it.

“He’s the finest politician money can buy.” Ooops, seeing a large percentage of our members of parliament are lawyers, this quotation could easily be misinterpreted.

“Ninety percent of politicians give the other ten per cent a bad reputation” – Henry Kissinger. I guess it’s about the same percentage in these islands, possibly somewhat higher.

“Politicians and babies’ nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” I think that all local politicians should take heed of this quotation. Their political lives are well and truly numbered.

“There are three kind of a lie: a small lie, a big lie and politics.” We have more than our share of the latter lie here in the Maltese islands.

“What is the difference between the Government and the Mafia? One of them is organised.” There were even wild claims made in the past, that the Mafia originated in Malta and we then taught them the art of being a mafioso. No comment.

“No matter who you vote for, the government always seems to get in”. It’s a worldwide fact and also happens here.

A politician is in bed asleep with his wife, while in fact, he thought he was in bed with his mistress. There’s a massive storm, and a bolt of lightning lights up the entire bedroom. The politician leaps up and shouts, “I’ll buy the negatives. I’ll buy the negatives”

Nikita Kruschev, the former Soviet Supremo, exclaimed “Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there is no river.” No doubt a number of false promises made by past and the present government will spring to mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the famous film star of Terminator fame and present Californian Governor made his famous statement “The forest fires are the worst disaster in California since I was elected.”

I would have been delighted to hear Lawrence Gonzi, the Maltese Prime Minister, say the following: “Nominating the chairman at the Water Services Corporation, while he was also maintaining a business relationship with a company which bids for Water Services Corporation tenders, was the worst disaster to hit my party since I was elected as Prime Minister”.

Likewise, I would have been equally thrilled to hear Alfred Sant, the Opposition Leader say the following: “My failure to find a solution with Dom Mintoff in 1998, which caused my party to stand down after only 2 years in government, was the worst disaster to hit my party, since my election as leader”.

“Politics is almost as exciting as war and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics – many times” – Winston Churchill. Ask a number of former Maltese Ministers!

“Politicians are people who when they see light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel” – John Quinton. We’ve certainly had lots of that in Malta over the years. Instead of tunnels, they just give the go-aheads to build more and more monstrous buildings and darken the whole island in the process.

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul” stated George Bernard Shaw.

Shaw must have been thinking about Malta when he made this quote. He of course was referring to St Paul who has been looking after us ever since he arrived on these islands. Poor St Peter!

“George Bush, he can’t help it – he was born with a silver foot in his mouth” claimed Ann Richard. Applies to some 70 percent of Maltese politicians, with a few notable exceptions of course.

Malcolm Rifkind, a former British Minister stated “You realise you’re no longer in government, when you get into the back of your car and it doesn’t go anywhere”. Sadly, it also pertains to a number of former Maltese Ministers.

Finally, I will add my favourite one, a traditional Chinese proverb, “Shrimps may attack dragons in shallow waters”.

Current high-placed politicians should be aware of and, as a result, show more respect to both their junior and opposing colleagues, especially during such emotionally charged pre-election times.

Role reversal can be a perfectly peaceful and humane process. On the other hand, it can be a painful one, especially if the person newly in power bears a grudge against one’s opponent-friend or foe.

Finally, as one of the staunchest Roman Catholic countries in Europe, why don’t we follow the example of that other fellow Catholic EU country Poland, the birthplace of our former Pope John Paul II.

In 2007, that country formed its own Polish Women’s Political Party, and the party had seven of its female members posing in the nude recently with a caption just covering the intimate parts of their anatomy.

With such beautiful, politically inclined, intelligent ladies in our country, I am sure that such a party would do extremely well. Let’s form our own Maltese Women’s Political Party. I can see the main parties shaking in trepidation at the prospect!

Chevalier Colonel Dr Raymond Bencini