Myth 1: Family gatherings are torture
Christmas lunch. The very image can cause us to develop excruciating holiday back spasms, sometimes as early as September—because the cliché of familial holiday bliss has an evil twin: that of the dysfunctional family at its worst.
The single best way to cope with familial turmoil is to give up the hope that your relatives will suddenly become cornucopias of emotional health. Instead of yearning for a perfect family, try this exercise: Imagine drinking a cup of tea with a family member, without attempting in any way to get love, approval, or appreciation. You’ll suddenly feel safer, more resilient, more at peace. Paradoxically, you get this blessed feeling by not grasping for it.
It’s far easier to let go of judgment or competitiveness and reach this contented place when you aren’t intent on forcing people to be what they’re not. And you invite inner peace when you stop trying to force yourself either to change your relatives or to think of them as sane. By acknowledging your own infinite value, you’ll see more value in others—just as they are.
Myth 2: If presents don’t put you in debt, buying party clothes will.
To look great at this season’s countless special events, all you need to do is shop your closet, says fashion expert Lloyd Boston.
Start by wearing one colour from head to toe for a chic, slimming look. “Stylists do this all the time,” he says, “because it’s a great way to use what you already have.” To pull it off properly, Boston suggests a fitted black turtleneck and black trousers, winter white pants with your best white blouse, or a sweater set and skirt in an unexpected shade like pink, yellow, or coral. Look for anything that has a subtle shine, such as light-catching leather, suede, or matte satin.
For accessories, skip the miniature Christmas tree brooch and instead aim for simplicity: diamond studs, elegant pearls—real or fake—or three stacked bracelets on one arm with your shirt cuffs rolled up. “You might feel underdressed at first, but the look has a modern edge,” says Boston. If you do want to buy something festive, try vintage stores for an inexpensive beaded bag or a fabulous pair of earrings.
Myth 3: You’ll scar the kids if you cut back on gifts
No child has ever clapped her hands in glee at the idea of cutting back on presents, but there are a few things you can do to rein in your family’s holiday materialism with minimal upset. Talk to older children about what they really want in advance. Explain that if they get X, there won’t be Y. That will make the child think about her priorities.
With some small adjustments, it can also seem as though there’s just as much loot as last year. Wrap everything individually (a two-piece outfit or a toy with several parts, for example) so each child has more bundles with her name on them. Or think of small, fun things you can package as gifts. Or give them each a voucher for one morning of not having to make their beds.
To help build excitement—and prolong the process—make the family open gifts one at a time, instead of a mad dash where it’s over in two seconds.
Myth 4: You can’t skip the party.
Streamlining your holiday calendar is perfectly acceptable as long as you say no early, You’ll always be considered a gracious guest if you RSVP right away—whatever the response.
As the invitations start piling up, just follow a few guidelines in narrowing the field. Always support good friends first, because you’d expect the same from them. Big cocktail parties are easier to skip because your absence is less noticeable. And the two Saturdays before Christmas are so hectic, people understand if you’re booked.
Myth 5: You must have a date for New Year’s Eve.
According to Helen Fielding, author of Bridget Jones’s Diary, this alleged rule can be traced to a conspiracy of the coupled.
“Smug marrieds will find any excuse to torture singletons,” she says. But the pressure reaches a fever pitch on 31 December. “It’s obvious on New Year’s Eve that another whole year has gone by during which everyone you know seems to have mutated into smug marrieds having children plop, plop, plop, left and right and centre, and here you are, once again,” she says.
However, being dateless is not a tragedy, a calamity, or an affliction. Instead of looking for late-December love, spend the time planning your dream evening, whether it’s a lavish dinner party for one or a night of barhopping with your most fun-loving friends.
“You have the opportunity to flirt with an attractive stranger without fear of reprisals.”