What about me?

If I were Prime Minister Gonzi I would be stamping my feet in indignation – just when he should be basking in all the limelight and getting all the glory for handing PN their third victory…what happens? Well, he’s being cruelly upstaged because all people want to talk about (apart from JPO that is) is what’s happening over in the Labour camp. Geez…talk about ungrateful.

Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Mo

I’m getting confused about who should or should not be elected leader of the Labour Party.

If we had to rule out those who were in the party in the dreaded 1980s, that would eliminate Marie Louise Coleiro and Anglu Farrugia.

If we had to rule out anyone who is remotely connected to the Sant leadership that practically excludes most of the contenders.

If we had to rule out anyone who agreed with freezing Malta’s application for EU membership in 1996 that even rules out George Abela, the PN poster boy. (And let’s not forget, if the delegates had listened to Abela in 1998, the Labour government would not have gone for an early election, and Malta’s EU membership would have never been re-activated. But maybe the PN are saving this titbit for later).

So, I guess by ruling out every single person who could possibly be a palatable Labour leader, we are only left with one choice to head the MLP: Lawrence Gonzi.

Hard to say I’m sorry

One of the many things Sant was criticised for (and there was so much) was that when asked about his past decisions he said, “No regrets”.

Now that Evarist Bartolo has said he is sorry that he did not contest the leadership back in 2003, and that he acted rashly when he cut students’ stipends (you can mess with anything, but don’t you dare touch their stipends)...do you really think he will be given a pat on the back?

The thing is, no matter what they say or do, Labour politicians can never win when it comes to battling the crushing Nationalist PR machine.

But never fear. With the PN giving the MLP all sorts of free advice to help them win the next election (and they say chivalry is dead), Labour doesn’t even have to do any deliberating really.

All it has to do is relax, sit back and enjoy the next five years.

Because, as we have always been told, as long as that “liability” Alfred Sant is no longer at the helm, a Labour victory in 2013 is a sure thing.

Not so fast, honey. You didn’t really think it was going to be that easy did you?

You see, according to some people, Alfred Sant’s removal from the equation is just the beginning, because there is a whole checklist of what Labour must do before any right-thinking individual can even dream of voting MLP.

This includes prostrating oneself in front of The People, humbly asking forgiveness for a multitude of Labour sins, saying endless Our Fathers and Hail Marys and (why not?) perhaps even a bout of self-flagellation would not be out of order.

After that, any serious Leader of the Opposition must go all the way back to the Stone Age to when the first caveman started spouting left-wing ideology to the first cavewoman, apologise for that, and then maybe – just maybe – we can start talking.

Notice a theme here?

Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer, who had campaigned for office with a “straight as an arrow” image, was found to have used the services of prostitutes as well as being involved in a prostitution ring. Although he tried to hang on, public pressure made his position untenable.

Result: he apologised and resigned

Finland’s foreign minister Ilkka Kanerva was under constant attack by the media, when they published some of the 200 suggestive text messages he had sent to an erotic dancer.

Result: he resigned

Alphonso Jackson, the secretary of Housing and Urban Development in the Bush administration, was under fire from Democrats who accused him of steering contracts to political allies, particularly in the light of the current housing crisis.

Result: he resigned

Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern is currently facing on-going inquiries about his personal finances at the tribunal into planning corruption. He is quoted as saying: “I know in my heart of hearts I have done no wrong and wronged no-one.

My decision is motivated by what is best for the people. It is a personal decision. I will not allow issues related to my own person to dominate the people and the body politic.”

Result: he has announced he will resign on 6 May.

Ok, I can just hear you saying it again: what on earth does all this have to do with Malta?

Absolutely, indisputably, irrevocably – nothing.

The good old days

You remember how our grandparents used to regale us with stories about being so poor they used to walk to school barefoot because their parents couldn’t afford to buy them shoes? Do you remember your eye-rolling reaction to these stories (oh no, hear we go again). Well, I hate to break it to you, but those who keep whining about the lack of chocolate and toothpaste in the 1970s are starting to sound just as boring and wearisome.

It’s been over 30 years people; let it go.

Sant’s poodle…erm, Gonzi’s goats…?

Has anyone noticed that after sporting a goatee for many years, Clyde Puli has suddenly gone for the clean-shaven look? I wonder if this is going to start a trend: come on Georg Sapiano, Silvio Parnis, Tony Abela, Franco Galea, George Pullicino (he’s got a tuft of hair on his chin) and, of course Joseph Muscat.

Let’s see what you really look like. Shave it off!

Call my bluff

The much-hyped Big Brother show produced by Pierre Portelli, which was scheduled to start in April, has been shelved, for reasons unknown. In its place we are going to have a new show called L-Akbar Bluff.

Now, now, I know what you’re thinking, but please, come on, give the guy a break.

Jeffrey is much too busy to be the presenter.

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