If the series of reports that have been issued lately are anything to go by, this has become an island of obese, illiterate, 15-year-old single mothers (brought up in a single parent household), who drink, smoke and get high, and spend all their money on clothes. (And boy, am I relieved that while they drink heavily, they’re not drunks – phew, that was close.)

How is it that we never rank first in anything positive?

It’s very tempting to dump all this on the Gonzi government too, but I’m in a good mood today... and, to be honest, that really would not be fair. There would be just as many chubby, stoned teenagers squeezing themselves into unflattering fashion and pushing a pram, even if the Labour Party (Alla hares ma!) were in government.

But now we hear that we have registered the second highest greatest increase in taxes among EU member States. The next report I’m waiting for is one which shows that we rank first in living beyond our means.

I want it now

There have been indications that this has been coming for many years now. This was a country that never believed in credit cards, but has now become a nation of people who even pay for holidays with their Visa. This would have been unheard of 20 years ago, because the Maltese mentality was much more frugal – and yes, this was a result of being conditioned by a Prime Minister who believed in tight economic controls.

But every cloud has a silver lining – we may not have had any Mars bars but we also had fewer fatties (Relax, people. That was a joke).

Of course, no one is advocating going back to those times, but it is flabbergasting how we swung so crazily from one extreme to the other.

It’s similar to the accelerated change in what constitutes moral behaviour. It seems like one minute going topless at the beach led to public protests, and the next minute, there are couples actually “doing it” on the beach – and no one bats an eye.

Inhibitions have flown out the window at the same rate as normal underwear has been ditched in favour of tangas. This is not a judgemental comment – if wearing an uncomfortable piece of string makes you happy, who am I to tell you otherwise?

The 18-year-old girl who was pulled up on stage by Enrique Iglesias was in ecstasy because he squeezed her bum and French kissed her in front of 50,000 people, gushing to a journalist that she loved the attention.

Yes, Malta has really changed.

We have become blasé about everything and shocked at very little – until we learn of another report that “we rank first in Europe” on issues which veer predominantly towards undesirable behaviour. It is then that we are shaken out of our stupor, and start objecting loudly that “no, it can’t be, there must be some mistake”. The recent report that over a third of children live with a single parent didn’t really surprise me, but seems to have left many people reeling in disbelief.

With marriage meltdowns happening faster than JPO’s meltdown on national television, where did people think this was leaving the children? If your parents no longer live under the same roof, and you live with either your mother or your father (even if you migrate back and forth between both households), then that means you are being brought up by a single parent.

Too much of everything

I think there are certain parallels between the excess in promiscuity and the excess in consumer consumption. From a sexually repressed, shackled country which had taboos about its taboos, we are now on the other side of the pendulum; a situation which people of my mother’s generation like to disapprovingly describe as xejn mhu xejn (anything goes). If before parents used to worry that their daughter might have sex before she walks down the aisle, now they’re praying she won’t become sexually active before she does her Confirmation.

Similarly, with the liberalisation of imports in 1987, we all went a bit mad, grabbing at everything in sight like children in a candy store, as we revelled in the sheer choice of goods at our fingertips.

I would have thought, however, that we would have been used to a free market economy by now and calmed down a bit. Instead, those years of “deprivation” have warped some people’s psyche. They shop mindlessly and purchase stuff just because it’s there – there’s no attempt at being selective, no judicious buying. Witness how everyone goes kind of cuckoo when a new retail outlet opens. And look how hard it is for some to prise themselves away from shopping when they’re abroad.

The way things are looking, however, splurging on things we don’t really need might soon become a distant memory.

Cutbacks

That Malta is extremely expensive for the kind of salaries most of us earn is a given and it’s going to get worse. Despite all the promises that, under a Gonzi government, the economy will flourish, I think everyone has now woken up to the cold, harsh fact that this was so much empty, vote-catching rhetoric. We are all heading towards a scenario, which in his heyday Mintoff used to describe as the need to “tighten our belts” (nissikaw ic-cinturin).

It is a bitter pill to swallow and, for many people, tearing themselves away from their luxuries is going to be tough. Because what used to be luxuries are now “necessities” – and no one enjoys giving up their toys. You’d be surprised at what people don’t want to give up: I recently read about a woman in the United States in serious debt, who was willing to forego everything except her expensive highlights which were costing her hundreds of dollars a month.

With rising food and petrol prices, which will in turn push up other costs, cutting back (for most of the middle class at any rate) is no longer going to be a question of choice.

For years people have become used to living from paycheque to paycheque, spending more than they earn and never thinking about tomorrow. It’s only when the crunch comes that they will have to prioritise. What will it be – paying the electricity bill or visiting the hairdresser/beautician/nail technician every week? Buying groceries or paying for your mobile/Internet/cable?

This is all frivolous, of course, when compared to the reality facing those on a lower income, such as pensioners. They will be counting their pennies, using the bus and scrounging around for the best deals on food, while fervently hoping they won’t get sick.

Meanwhile, the cutbacks have already started. If I needed confirmation of this I got it last Saturday at a shop where a long queue of people were buying fans. As we brace ourselves for a sweltering summer and the new surcharge rates, many people won’t even dream of turning on their A/C.

No matter which way you slice it – we are going to see a drop in our standard of living because no government has ever bothered to seriously implement a viable source of alternative energy. Life’s little comforts will have to go as we juggle our monthly bills, trying to decide which ones to pay and which can be held off for another month or two.

And as cash-strapped couples slog away at bringing in two incomes or taking on an extra job or two to keep their heads above water while paying off their 40-year-mortgages, is it any wonder that newlyweds end up despising each other within a year or two?

No sex please, this is a Catholic school

The HSBC study on Health Behaviour of School-age Children, which has revealed so much about what our young teenagers are up to, hit a brick wall when it came to asking questions about sex. While children in State and independent schools filled in this part, the Church schools handled it in the only way they knew how: by not allowing the children to answer any questions about intercourse and contraception.

Yes, that’s the way to go – that will really stop them from getting up to any hanky panky. As they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Gotcha!

Whatever you may think of Joseph Muscat’s style of leadership, the man is certainly hard to ignore. Almost every other day he is in the news for doing or saying something that makes people sit up and take notice. The next day, people talk about him, and even if not all the comments are positive, I get the feeling it’s all part of his shrewd plan. All publicity is good publicity and Muscat seems to know his PR.

He jokes with Gonzi about the view the Prime Minister has of MLP Headquarters from his glass office, and it makes the evening news.

He does things like walking nonchalantly into PN party clubs to shake everyone’s hand and even his critics begrudgingly admit that the guy has chutzpah.

The hugs and kisses last Sunday as Joe Debono Grech was welcomed back into the fold and erstwhile black sheep Pawlu Muscat fell weeping on Muscat’s shoulder may have provided much hilarity – but inch by inch, the psychological boost being given to Labour supporters is not to be sneezed at.

Little old ladies pat him fondly on the cheek and awestruck children are lifted mid-air to be kissed by him (this is one of my pet hates, but politicians seem to think it’s necessary.)

Joseph Muscat is wrong-footing the Nationalist Party, and for all its bravado and attempts at ridicule, the PN knows this very well.

Peace and love, my brother

So there I was fiddling with my car stereo trying to find some decent music on my drive home when I came upon a station where I heard someone bellowing like a raging bull. The man was shouting so much that he was almost incoherent and I couldn’t recognise the voice. After a few moments I realised I was listening to Parliament (!) and the man in question was none other than Austin Gatt. Tsk, tsk, where are your manners? I thought you were raised better than that.

I suggest you take a leaf out of Joseph’s book and spread some love around. Better still, let’s all join hands and sing Kumbaya. Praise Jesus.

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