Parents of teenagers and younger children will know what I mean when I say that we are bringing up a generation of spoilt kids. But although we admit it and know that in the end they will suffer the consequences, we continue to act as if things will somehow sort themselves out. Some of us have already lost the battle.
Today, life is different from our teenage years, just as much as our teenage years were different from those of our parents. We may remember having strict fathers, or strict mothers, or both, but when we look back with the benefit of our own adult experience we do thank them for bringing us up the way they did. The discipline they imposed on us has served us well.
Whether our children will have the same thoughts and feelings remains to be seen. I have my doubts as to whether they will be as grateful as we are to our parents. The question I ask is whether we are really convinced that giving our children all they need, sometimes even before they ask for it, is the right approach.
We know that life is hard and how hard we have to fight to make ends meet, but we are giving our children the impression that life is easy, that everything falls into their lap. It’s the ATM mentality. We just go to the machine, press a few buttons and the money comes out. I remember my daughter once telling me, when she heard me say I had no money, to go to the ATM and get some cash from there. It took me a long time to explain to her that I needed to have money in the bank before I could withdraw some. And I still have doubts as to whether she has understood me completely.
What will happen when our children become adults and find out that they have to earn a living and that money does not grow on trees?
What we do is give them anything they want to appease our guilt. Maybe it’s because we work too much and have little time for them. Maybe it’s because we think we can buy their love by giving them a mobile phone or the latest gadget. Maybe it’s just that we do not want them to be inferior to their peers.
But we are not helping them to grow up and mature, and learn how to make decisions. We are not giving them the opportunity to think for themselves. We are not giving them the chance to understand that one needs to make sacrifices in order to reach a goal.
If we continue to ferry them from point A to point B when they could easily take a bus, they will think that parents are at their beck and call. If we continue to clear up their room without asking them to lift a finger they will think that they will continue to find everything ready for them. If we have to sit down next to them to do their homework and study they will never learn to do things on their own.
Just take a look around and see how many drama, music, dance and art schools have sprouted across the island. Just see how many football nurseries have cropped up (when all we did in our time was play football in the street or an abandoned field). Just see how many gymnastics, cycling, swimming, judo schools have been established over the past few years.
These are all money-making machines – organisations that have realised that parents will do anything for their children: either for a noble reason, that of giving them something else other than school, or for the wrong reason, to get rid of the children while papa or mama are still at work (or with their lover).
And the costs for these activities rise year after year, and events are invented for these organisations to make even more money. For example, why should parents be asked to pay for tickets to watch a dance school show, where their daughter is on stage for just three minutes? Isn’t it enough that they have to pay for the costume? And cannot the school at least offer one free ticket for either of the parents, who would have paid through their nose for three terms of dance classes, not to mention examinations?
Such organisations take advantage of the fact that parents want the best for their children, and know that whatever they ask for they will get. Their greed knows no bounds.
And this completes the circle. Today’s parents spoil their children too much. But it’s hard to go back now.
[email protected]