Contrary to my wont, I switched on the telly and sat down on my couch, ready for the gloomy feast.

I rarely watch Xarabank. This time however I admit I was intrigued, and I have no difficulty in saying so. I was Xarabanked, as I think most people were. After all it is good to know what the satanic lobby is up to from time to time. Now however it is time to Xarabunk.

Apart from the mild protests from the psychologists (who were being conservative to say the least – after all we know the Catholic programmes they both appear(ed) on before), there are still other things worth mentioning. Since I’m as busy as the devil, I will mention only two.

First of all, simply because there is no scientific explanation (yet) does not mean that there is a spiritual or religious explanation, as the implication throughout the programme seemed to suggest. Science fails to explain why Monica Bellucci is not my wife yet; does this mean that I’d better pray more or should I turn to a priest for an explanation?

One of the psychologists remarked that science is humble when confronted with such instances.

The problem is that religion is not. On the contrary, it pounces on such vacuums like a vicious predator, claiming ownership without a second thought.

The reality however is that the fundamentalists have no better grounds on which to support their claims than the scientists. What counts for the goose counts for the gander, and if science is in no position to speak through lack of evidence, then religion is likewise helpless.

On what evidence does a person screaming insanely and shouting obscenities become a truly possessed person (as opposed to an insane person screaming and shouting obscenities?)

As for claims of levitation and 360 degrees head turns (which I recall almost doing, unsuccessfully, when a particular girl used to walkdown the corridor at university), I will disregard and discard until this is backed by proof. How is it that “exclusive footage” never shows such paranormal phenomena?

To summarize: lack of evidence and scientific explanation does not automatically transpose to a point in favour of the Church.

My second point is somewhat related to the first. It is perhaps a continuation, a clarification, and a confirmation.

“Kevin”, the ex-Satanist, said that he could get anything he wanted thanks to his intimate relationship with the evil one. But as the wise priest warned us, and indeed prophesised, the price one pays is high. Kevin ended up in prison. Satan had betrayed him.

But wait! My mind is trying to communicate something to me…

Ah yes, following a brief séance with my mental spirit, I have a question to ask: isn’t Kevin’s story strikingly similar to any other normal thief’s?

A successful thief does get what he wants by stealing, and eventually might pay the price by he is caught. Indeed this is the very definition of stealing: getting what you want at the risk of being caught and punished.

But of course, let us blame it on Satan!

The Church is losing its grip – and there’s no better way to tighten it than by frightening the people into submission with some scary stories.

Kenneth Curmi