This newspaper published a feature dealing with the subject of losing a child, be it due to a stillbirth or shortly after delivery.

In the article, a journalist probed into the operation of SANDS, the Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society (Malta). Bereavement is horribly painful, but when a child is involved, it can cause serious depression and anger. While not everyone reading this editorial is not a parent, everyone at some point in their life has been touched by the death of a child – be it that of a colleague, a relative or a friend. The conclusion everyone draws is the same – the loss of a child is something that is a great shame, actually words cannot even describe it.

Friends and relatives feel grief, but this is only a speck of sand in a desert compared to what the parents must feel. In the feature, the journalist spoke to the society, who spoke of the way they offer counseling and support services on the Kubler-Ross model.

The model was drawn up by a Swiss psychiatrist in her book On Death and Dying. While people are generally very sympathetic to the loss of a child, one must study the grieving process to realise the full extent of what parents go through.

It starts with shock and proceeds through to denial and anger. In then seeking a way out of the pain, parents will then go through a period of self doubt before going into a phase of depression and apathy. The last part of the cycle is ‘coming out’ – acknowledgement of events, reflection and finally acceptance.

What we must realise, and this is a point which SANDS stresses upon, is that parents need their time to grieve. Many of the older generation are of the opinion that ‘out of sight – out of mind’ is the best way forward.

Many mothers have tried to help their daughters by clearing out baby rooms while the mother is still in hospital, only for them to return and find that everything has gone.

Doing so, argues SANDS, is counterproductive. The organisation believes that if the matter is ‘forgotten’, it will only return later to haunt the parents.

The organisation said that it is far better to encourage family members to grieve – to hold the dead child, to acknowledge it as being a human being which they created and loved. Yes, parents must be given the opportunity to come to terms with what has happened.

Although we live in a fast paced society, no one, not even the people with the steeliest emotions can simply brush off the death of a child.

SANDS has been in existence in Malta since 1994 – a presence which is now into its fifteenth year. While the service the organisation offers is essential, one would have to say that they need support.

We are not only talking of support in the financial sense, we are talking of moral support. This newspaper is sure, as we have already mentioned, that people do get sympathy when they lose a child, but perhaps an education campaign needs to be launched on a national level.

This should help people to grasp a better understanding of what people go through when they actually lose a baby so early in life. On a final note, organisations such as SANDS should draw everyone’s admiration. The people that run it are truly good souls and we are lucky to have them.