I really needed cheering up lately and this week’s story about PN backbencher Franco Debono defying his own party has done wonders for my humour. I’m even tempted to say that I really don’t want this government to be thrown out on its ear any more – it’s providing too much entertainment staying put right where it is.

This is no laughing matter, I hear you scold me sternly. This could lead to a political crisis! But no, it cannot – we have the assurance of Lawrence Gonzi himself all the way from Copenhagen who “laughed it off” and said that Franco Debono “voted yes vociferously” with the government.

I’m struggling to keep a straight face, I really am, but I give up.

The images conjured up by various media reports have been hilarious and this last one is no exception – in my mind’s eye I see Franco throwing himself in the middle of Parliament screaming, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” You know, like in that famous restaurant scene in the film When Harry met Sally when Meg Ryan pretends to have an orgasm.

Other reports this week have painted a picture of events that seem equally absurd. My sense of the ridiculous has me imagining Franco Debono either stealing into Parliament at the last minute, on tiptoes like the Pink Panther, or else fast asleep in his bed, snoring softly, with the duvet tucked under his chin – depending on which version you believe. Or perhaps Franco just wanted a quiet night in and was glued to his TV watching Bondiplus while sipping a nice hot mug of cocoa. His mobile meanwhile was firmly switched off – giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “not in a position to respond”.

The whole episode just got sillier and sillier with each fresh titbit of information.

We first read that he was nowhere to be seen, and then that he was found (hiding?) in an adjoining room somewhere “visibly agitated”, and then that the cavalry was sent to rouse him out of bed and drag him kicking and screaming in order to cast his vote. We were even told by l-orizzont that his whereabouts were tracked by means of the Secret Service – you couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried. I didn’t even know we had a Secret Service, did you?

The Labour Party have had the proverbial field day with this story and who can blame them? There they were, staking out his house and reporting with a solemn face next to the sign pointing to Franco’s hometown of Ghaxaq, for all the world as if he were a fugitive.

By Wednesday night, flailing around for any excuse, the PN whip David Agius went on the One TV programme TX and hinted that Franco might have been sick (to which Karl Stagno Navarra quipped, “yes he’s sick and tired” – ma jiflahx jissapporti). I didn’t know whether to admire David for his chutzpah in trying to salvage the situation, or pity him for being despatched to face the combined arguments of Miriam Dalli, Anna Mallia and Karmenu Vella who were shooting down all his feeble justifications with undisguised relish.

Talk about being thrown to the wolves.

I could just hear the panto scriptwriters furiously scribbling over their scripts to include this final chapter of 2009 just in time for their first performances.

I don’t think I remember a time when the Nationalist government was the butt of so many jokes – we are more used to seeing the Labour Party being ridiculed for its numerous gaffes and faux pas. But lately, it’s been the Nationalist MPs who have reddened their leader’s face. It didn’t help matters to see an embarrassed, uncomfortable Prime Minister and his wife paying a visit to Franco Debono’s house in order to lure him back into the fold. Or maybe it was Gonzi’s first house visit in preparation for the 2013 election campaign, I’m not quite sure. The first question that springs to mind is ‘who tipped off the Labour media?’ and paved the way for this undignified moment to be captured on film for all posterity. Who, indeed.

By Friday, our sister paper had the first comments from the man himself, in which he claimed that he wasn’t planning anything as dramatic as bringing down the government – he simply wanted the Nationalist Party to sit up and take notice, so to speak. I think you could say he succeeded.

This rebel-with-a-cause has not only struck terror into the heart of his party with his antics, but he is apparently such a loose cannon that even the Nationalist damage control machine has twisted itself into knots trying to unravel this mess. After several unsuccessful attempts to play down the whole incident, came the next tactic of name-calling. When that failed to impress, more drastic measures were needed. Now, they have finally latched on to something they can get their teeth into.

And this is where it stops being funny.

Step into line

When the accusations that the renegade Debono is power hungry, egocentric and too big for his boots didn’t work, out came the predictable “hamallu” (low class). If this term is being used because he’s from the South it will only serve to make his loyal constituents even more determined to back him. They are already all over the Internet claiming that he alone is looking out for their interests and has their unwavering support.

If the attacks on Debono had stopped at the hamallu tag it wouldn’t be so bad, but now things have taken a twisted turn.

The not so subtle insinuation is that Franco is well, not quite right in the head. I find it very disquieting how anyone who disagrees with Gonzi’s government is meted this kind of malicious treatment.

Mintoff might have used as his battle cry the questionable Min mhux maghna kontra taghna (those who are not with us are against us), but I find the Nationalist Party’s undeclared slogan that “those who are against us are finished”, even more troubling. And it is not just one’s political career which is over if you dare to overstep the line...

The unspoken “threat” is that you will be a political, social and professional pariah – an untouchable, an outcast. The unseen but very powerful networks and connections that make life go round in Malta will ensure that you will be a nothing.

Yes, sure, righteousness will prevail.

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