Does curry give politicians more spice?

The 85-year-old governor of a southern Indian state recently resigned the day after a television news channel broadcast a tape allegedly showing him in a sex romp with three young women.

Governor Narayan Dutt Tiwari’s office immediately denounced the tape as fabricated and therefore denied the allegation. Nevertheless, the veteran governing Congress party leader in Andhra Pradesh State sent a letter resigning on health grounds to the Indian President, following opposition and women’s rights groups’ street protests. His sudden departure was then proclaimed as being “an inglorious end to a five decade political career” by the Indian press.

This prompts me to comment: firstly, he seems in pretty good health to me. Secondly, far from an inglorious end he seems to be able to support a rather active and glorious end. Thirdly, why were there no ageist demonstrations in his support as he was only doing what thousands of younger politicians have always done? And fourthly, the morality of good government should be about what a man (or woman) does in his/her public life and not his/her private one. As long as they do not break the law in their private life it should be their own affair in every sense of the word.

I’m reminded of a story told during the Second World War. A Scotland Yard senior detective was dispatched to tell the British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, that a Labour member of his War Cabinet had been caught in a sexual act in a public park with a young woman. Churchill listened intently, slowly puffing on his huge cigar. When the officer had finished the PM looked up from his desk at the man and said, “So you are telling me that a man in his mid seventies was apprehended on a park bench at one in the morning having sexual intercourse with a young woman in temperatures below freezing?” “I am,” replied the policeman eagerly. “Well, it sort of makes one proud to be British don’t you think? Now get out.” The matter was dropped.

Now for the Monster Awards 2009

Following the fact that my annual ‘bad guy’ awards of December had failed to include one or two real monsters I received several e-mails complaining about the same. The below from Joe Caruana was typical. It read:

“I’m sure you know all about Iran’s Ahmedinejad who denies the Holocaust ever happened, advocates the elimination of Israel, and has just announced the planned expansion of another 10 nuclear energy facilities ‘for peaceful purposes’ while he keeps testing missiles with an increased capability of hitting Israel.

Kim Jong Il of North Korea has actually defied the world and developed nuclear weapons, and tested them over Japan, while his people starve or try valiantly to escape his repressive regime.

“I hope that one day their day of justice at The Hague will come, as will Mugabe’s before he cops it.”

Of course, Joe and co are right about Mr Ahmedinejad, who has since denied the authenticity of leaked plans to fit nuclear warheads to his Iranian missiles and also his rigging of the general election, the result of which still causes ongoing protest and extensive oppression. Even at the time of writing, the lead in the London Times records how 11 leading opposition activists were among over 500 arrested as Mr Ahmedinejad’s security forces re-acted to street protests by killing at least eight and injuring scores more. They even confiscated the corpse of the Opposition leader’s nephew who had been one of those fatally wounded by them in an effort to prevent another display of defiance at the young man’s funeral.

However, anything Mr Ahmedinejad does Mr Kim Jong II does better. He must have had his nervous system removed so that he could continue to enjoy the perfect misery of his poor, starving and brutalised people. He is indeed not only utterly cruel and corrupt, but totally insane and already possesses, as Joe points out, nuclear weapons, which makes Japan, South Korea and even China rightly nervous.

Both men are ghastly monsters. So they should join the military Junta of Burma, which has been known to murder children as a punishment to their parents, as the trinity of monster guys who are way ahead of mere evil guys.

However, Joe, I bet you now that none of them will ever face trial in The Hague, unfortunately.

Many a word spoken in jest

The wonderful Private Eye Annual is a gift I gratefully accept each Christmas from my mother. As she approaches her 84th birthday, she increasingly makes Mrs Thatcher look like a campaigner for special gay and lesbian rights for burglars living in the socialist mini state of Lambeth in London, the disgraced capital of the once Great Britain. As a result, she makes me feel like a pink liberal – a thought I find as depressing as it is sick making.

I’m convinced that this peace offering only arrives during the festive season in order to placate me for the numerous times that she has infuriated me since I received the last edition. Nevertheless, I always proceed to annoy all other family members upon its receipt by turning off from the ongoing ceremonial gift opening while I get lost in the annual’s hilarious pages.

This year was no exception – and on the front cover British Prime Minister, Gordon (hopefully out of office soon) Brown, bends down to little boy to ask, “What are you going to be when you grow up?”

“Hugely in debt, thanks to you,” was the lad’s reply.

Oh gosh – many a true word...

Give me a bucket of whatever they’re on

My Christmas break saw me leave my wonderful Mdina home and travel to London to see a Paul McCartney concert, before moving on to Dubai for a touch of sun and then South Africa to see if England could win the test series there.

(This is about cricket for those who still love and admire Dom Mintoff).

I have seen most of the great rockers in concert including the Rolling Stones. Not only has McCartney always been better live than any but this was also the best concert of the 20 or so of his I have seen.

Sir Paul and his band were on stage for three hours and fifteen minutes. During this time, the world’s most successful recording artist – with over 700 million album sales – rattled off 38 of his compositions as well as one each by the late George Harrison and John Lennon. The majority were energetic rock numbers. He did not take a break or even a drink of water. Next June he will be 68.

I’ll have a bucket of whatever he or the 85-year-old ex-Governor Tiwari are on!

Dubai – debt up, unemployment up, but child rape slashed

My travels from the Macca concert in London took me via Dubai to South Africa. Dubai is a place I’ve watched expand at an amazingly lightening pace over the last 11 years. Indeed, go back to 1964 and it was just desert by the sea occupied by a few nomads and their sheep. Then along came the discovery of oil and the resulting immense wealth was invested in creating a year round pleasure palace with the biggest and best of everything under the sun – which nearly always shines – in order to attract Westerners with money.

As a result, by 2009 Dubai boasted the tallest building in the world, the highest dancing fountain, the biggest man-made island, the longest automated metro network and the largest shopping mall. However, by 2010 it had also accrued one hell of a debt mountain and, as another victim of the recession, had defaulted on its debt and now boasts the largest number of unfinished building sites in the world.

So how will the government deal with the increase in crime that always seems inevitable in a modern Western recession?

Like most Muslim Arabian states, its laws are harsh by comparison to those experienced by us in the West. Thieves can expect to have their right hands removed and a drunken British couple were sent to prison recently for having sex on a deserted beach at night.

As a result, crime has never been a big issue. A decade ago my daughter, then a little girl, left her mother’s Gucci handbag on the beach – it was still there the next morning as nobody fancied facing the consequences of being caught with it.

Nevertheless, thousands of imported workers from India and the Far East now without work might strain the system a bit one might suppose? Apparently not, as petty crime in Dubai remains under control and serious crime is actually falling.

The police have just announced official figures that indicate that in the last year child molestation and rape fell by over 50 per cent to just 21 cases. And what do they put this down to? Why, employing the death penalty as the punishment for this crime of course. Pity my mother can no longer sit in the sun as she would love it here!