Last Monday, I was casually standing at the entrance of the recently opened toilets in Strait Street, waiting for a friend occupying the men’s room. I asked the sharply dressed man seated on a little chair flipping through his newspaper what time he usually opens the toilets. The smiling man, who’s enthusiasm is second to none, replied briskly that he opens the toilets at around 8am (having some trouble with his English).

As we chat along, another man stops a few meters away from us reading the little sign on the table by the door. He reads the words pointing his finger as to ensure that he did not misunderstand what was being said. The perplexed man smokes his cigarette to the filter and blows out the smoke as he interrupts the little chat I was having with the other gentleman.

He asks why he has to pay for such a service. I take his question and I tell him that this is not at all bizarre and that in fact most European countries do the same thing. The man comes closer and claims that he has never been asked to pay for such a service and never will. And to support his claim he argues that this is Malta, where taxes are paid as to avoid a measly fee of 30 cents at the public toilet.

He extends his arguments to how the EU has affected his life and strangely enough why the cycling lane on the Coast Road is not complete. The arguing goes on to the point that I can taste the man’s smoky words. Finally the man can’t take the pressure placed on his bladder and after calling me callow, makes one last statement. He declares that he needs to use the lavatory, but instead of paying for the fancy toilet he will walk all the way to ‘puturjal’ and urinate in a bush.

As for the man’s barbarous ways, I have nothing more to add, and frankly enough I think his words speak for themselves. But as for the poor bush, I would like to remind the man that another public toilet can be found just a few roads away – you will not have the nice music to ease your business, nor will you have the cleanest of toilet seats, or tissue paper for that matter; but you will save 30 cents, walk a shorter distance and most of all save a plant from post-traumatic stress disorder.

KarlAndrew Micallef

and David Micallef Sant

by email