My first reaction on hearing that Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando had submitted a private member’s bill in favour of divorce was that it was the Nationalist party up to its usual old tricks. Not for one minute did I believe that the Prime Minister knew nothing about it – on the contrary, my suspicion was that this was a ruse to “test the waters” without the PM dirtying his hands so to speak. If public opinion was positive, the PM would then step forward to back JPO and grudgingly own the bill “if that’s what people want”, but if it turned out to be negative, he could step back and feign innocence: “wasn’t me.” There was also the little and not insignificant matter of wrong footing Joseph Muscat, who would be shown up as being all talk and no action.

As it turned out I was completely wrong and, in fact, JPO was really acting on his own on this one. Gonzi really was kept in the dark and if further proof were needed that the party was not amused, they all closed ranks and within a couple of days the whole issue had already been killed off as a story in the mainstream media.

Rather than trying to analyse what possessed Pullicino Orlando to do this, I realized I needed to analyse my own reaction. I’m not usually one for conspiracy theories, so why had I immediately jumped to this conclusion?

Simple – the PN has made something of a name for itself by using these Machiavellian methods. We even had it from former secretary general Joe Saliba himself that this kind of cold-blooded calculation was used during the last general election and it didn’t help matters that the man involved just happened to be the one and the same…JPO.

The Mistra chase, the hijacked press conference, the tears under the tinda – all of it is still very fresh in our minds.

As it turned out, I was not the only one who had raised a cynical eyebrow at the JPO divorce bill, refusing to believe that everyone was telling the truth. Which is why we are so flabbergasted that, for once, they were.

To put it into plain language, we have been duped and manipulated so often by the Nationalist party in government that any last shred of trust is completely gone. With this administration, nothing is ever as it seems; there’s always something they’re not telling us which we only happen to find out about by chance.

Appropriately enough, considering that the issue is divorce legislation, it is comparable to what happens when the trust is gone in a marriage. You try to put the past behind you; you try and fight back any treacherous thoughts which are arousing your suspicions again, but as anyone who has been betrayed will tell you, it is extremely difficult to quell those inner misgivings completely. Whenever something unexpected happens you are back to square one, your antennae on high alert, reliving the broken promises all over again.

Decide, already

In 1984, the women’s section of the Labour party proposed to put divorce on the party’s agenda but the motion was squashed because of the dispute over Church schools at the time.

The very idea of introducing divorce has continued to be squashed ever since. Only Alternattiva Demokratika has been upfront and consistent in its pro-divorce stand, while Labour keeps taking two steps forward and one step back, as tentative and scared as someone who is walking in the dark, rather than just taking the plunge and putting it on its electoral manifesto.

The Nationalist party? Forget it – it will never happen. If we needed further proof of this, this week’s events confirmed that its very core is as encased in conservatism as any zealous Bible-bashing small American town deep in the mid-West. They don’t call it the religious right for nothing.

The online comments were replete with anguished pleas to Gonzi begging him to “please don’t do it!!” for all the world as if he were going to hand Malta over to aliens. The hysteria was reaching fever pitch and this was only a bill we were talking about which, from what I can see, is not even going to be put on the parliamentary agenda. It’s no use telling them that divorce is not going to be mandatory (“you two - complete mistake. Get a divorce now.”), they were shrieking and wailing so loud online, multiple exclamation marks and caps used to full effect, that my PC was trembling with the aftershocks.

Over and over again the belief in the Nationalist party and the Church were merged in the same sentence until it became unclear as to whether there was even a distinction between the two in some people’s minds (if you are a devout Catholic does that automatically make you a Nationalist?) If anyone is to blame for this it’s Eddie and his “is-sewwa jirbah zgur” catchphrase, which cunningly morphed religion and politics into one. The word ‘sewwa ‘is a loaded one with its double meaning of something which is correct and moral righteousness. In other words, if you wanted the correct party (which is also morally right) to win, vote PN.

Ever since then, voting PN has always had religious connotations with its vigils and candles and the rosary being said on the eve of the elections as Nationalist supporters pray fervently so that those uncouth infidels will not (sign of the cross, Alla hares qatt) be voted in. In this context, it’s easy to understand how the mere suggestion that the Religio e Patria party would have the gall to even breathe the word divorce, was enough to make the right wing faction bring out the smelling salts.

As for the liberals who vote PN? Hmmm…they’re in a bit of a fix aren’t they?

He doesn’t need to hit you…

…to make you want to divorce him. The should-we-introduce-divorce debate is pretty wearying as it is, seeing that it’s been going on for the last 26 years, but what makes it even more tedious is when people bring up the domestic violence argument as a justification for divorce.

Why do we always have to cite extreme examples? Yes, a battered woman is one reason why there should be divorce, because she has the right to another attempt at happiness (although as crimes of passion clearly demonstrate, divorce and re-marriage won’t guarantee that her violent ex-husband won’t find her and kill her anyway). Physical abuse in a marriage is unacceptable, but it’s just as soul destroying if you are trapped in a marriage where you are completely incompatible, simply sharing a home, acting coldly polite to each other, and sometimes not even that. When love and above all, mutual respect is gone, what else is left? Two people who loathe each other, tied together for life by a contract which is meaningless and vows to love and to cherish which have long since withered and died. And let us not underestimate the impact on the children who are witnessing all this, who will grow up believing that this is how to behave in a relationship.

If you think about it, with all the people there are in the world, the chances of finding someone who loves you as much as you love him, and with whom sharing a life together will be an enjoyable experience, are pretty slim. Keeping that love alive over many years is equally difficult, although not impossible if both sides are willing. Looking at it this way, the number of broken marriages is more understandable. Older generations stayed together even if the relationship became mired in barely concealed hatred, icy resentment and downright indifference. Today, people want a shot at finding passionate love again.

So let’s not keep quoting the cliché of the woman whose husband beats her as a reason for the need for divorce….when love dies and two people become complete strangers to each other, the marriage is already dead and buried. Getting a divorce would be just the formality.

An acquaintance, who has been separated for 15 years, pointed out another important point. As things stand, when people separate, their ties to their former spouse are not completely severed, even if there are no children. She told me that each time she wants to buy something in instalments or take out a loan she has to provide a copy of her separation decree. She also has to write her marital status ‘legally separated from …’ every time she fills in an official form. “It’s humiliating to have to lay out your private life like that, in front of complete strangers.”

She’s right, divorce is not simply there for those who wish to remarry but also for those who wish to close the door once and for all on the final chapter of what was once a marriage.

The last thing you want to do when you’ve moved on is to keep being reminded of that relationship each time you decide to change your living room furniture.

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