Over the past few years, Malta really has stepped up the fight against domestic violence. Thankfully, the days when overbearing members of the clergy and even members of the victim’s own family telling them that they had to put up with it, are over.

It is hard to believe that even just a few years ago, priests who have not one iota of knowledge of what goes on between a husband and wife would tell a woman that she had made her bed and now had to lie in it. We mention women because by and large, they make up the bulk of people who suffer forms of domestic violence.

But domestic violence does not simply refer to things being thrown around the house, or a slap, or a push or a beating. It has many other forms and some are more subtle than others. You would really have to experience it to know what it is like, but some of the stories that emerge from conferences such as the one held yesterday beggar belief.

Stories about a husband destroying heirlooms belonging to his wife’s recently deceased mother, about husbands tormenting their wives about their appearance or their intelligence… bruises heal, but in these cases, the hidden wounds might take much longer to heal.

The worst thing about such forms of abuse is that they are difficult to prove. It is also difficult for the victim to approach other family members, or even friends, to discuss it because more often than not, they are told that they are making a mountain out of a molehill. And this invariably happens because the abuser – normally a coward by nature – is usually very affable and friendly in the company of others. Many skillfully even manipulate the situation to make others agree with their assessment of their wife being lazy, ugly, dim or whatever other insult they might like to add.

Whatever form it takes, whether it is physical, sexual, financial or psychological, domestic violence should not have a place in any society in the world. Sadly, just like in other places, it exists in the very fabric of our society.

The only way we can reduce it is by talking about it and encouraging victims to come forward. The police have an important role to play, but it is support agencies which need the most resources. These are normally the first ‘official’ point of contact and they do have their work cut out in convincing the victim that they must take the issue one step further.

Thankfully, the courts are also taking the issue seriously and when there is clear prima facie evidence that a person has been a victim, the spouse is made to look for alternative accommodation. We are a long way from eradicating domestic violence and many schools of thought believe that you can never get rid of it completely. This is probably the case. But what we must do is create an environment where people, whether they are male or female, are encouraged to come forward if they are indeed victims and they must be given all the necessary support needed to get themselves out of the predicament they find themselves in. But there is one big hurdle – many people return to the person that abuses them, and this is the one problem which we probably can never solve.