“It’s a gas”, was last in use, I believe, in the sixties, when it was a hip expression to describe something that was fun.

Infuriating frustration on dealing with gas cylinders reminded me of the dated expression, ironically of course, because anything to do with the domestic fuel is anything but fun.

In the mid 20th century the idiom was used in Irish slang, where gas meant a joke or frivolity, possibly because of ‘laughing gas’.

Well, trying to deal with gas cylinders is certainly a joke, but not of the frivolous variety. Although a recent incident found me, in the unenviable situation, as an unwilling partner in a clown act. More on that later.

The phrase’s origin dates even further back to 1839 when Charles Dickens used the expression “Everything is gas and gaiters,” in Nicholas Nickleby.

The meaning here was that everything was satisfactory and going to plan rather than actual fun.

But how appropriate, irony again, because everything to do with getting a gas cylinder is anything but satisfactory and according to plan.

Preparing for a gas delivery requires strategy and stamina. It requires several mobile phone calls the day before, this to establish that the distributor is coming on the day he ‘usually’ (I use the word loosely) arrives.

Then setting the alarm for the crack of dawn on ‘D-day’, when a morning vigil starts. I am sort of ‘lucky’, because I live at the highest point at the end of a long street and I can see right to the top of it from my covered balcony.

You have to keep a watch out and pray, you see, to ensure the gasman does not forget about you and drive past when he gets to your corner.

So I flit in and out of the balcony, mobile in hand while I try to accomplish some chores while I wait and wait and wait.

To give you an example, my first call on the last delivery, to ensure that the gasman was indeed coming, since the van had not appeared at the top of the road, was at 7.30.

My cylinders arrived just before 10.00. And the fun was just beginning. Well, actually, it had started before the last weekend, when I tried repeatedly and unsuccessfully to attach the regulator to a green cylinder (my first green one) to my gas heater, thankfully, the only appliance needing gas.

I put back my empty yellow cylinder to establish the regulator was OK; it was after all fairly new. And yes, it worked OK with the yellow cylinder.

Of course being Friday evening, it meant no gas heating for me until Tuesday, if I was lucky.

There is no way I will lug cylinders in my car, that would have to admit that I live in a sometime Third World country, so I phoned up the gas distributor on Monday to tell him about my problem.

“You have to remove the washer on the green cylinder,” he told me. I did not like the sound of that and phoned Liquigas.

I spoke to their technical expert and he said that of course I should “not” remove the washer.

He advised me to call an ‘emergency’ number for someone to come and check my regulator.

When I did, I was told that I would get a call confirming an appointment, but if when the man came to check, he found nothing wrong with the cylinder I would have to pay €20.

After I explained my problem to the man who called on the phone to arrange the appointment, he repeated the advice the deliveryman gave me, i.e. remove the washer!

But, I said, I was specifically told by your expert not to remove it. “He probably did not understand, which washer you were referring to,” he told me.

By this time I was exasperated at trying to get some sense from anyone. Besides, I had ‘established’ that the gasman was coming the next day when I thought I could ‘simply’ change the cylinder, so I told the ‘emergency’ guy not to bother coming.

Now here come the fun and games. When the distributor delivered two yellow cylinders, he refused to exchange the full green one and tried to take away one of the cylinders he had just brought.

There was no way I was going through the hassle of waiting for yet another delivery, when the first ran out. I needed time to recoup my equilibrium. That spare full cylinder was gold not yellow to me.

So there we were, the gasman and I having a tug of war with a cylinder. All we needed were clown costumes to turn it into a circus act.

I shall not bore you with the whole episode, but I won that battle and he finally took away the green cylinder and left me with a usable cylinder and a spare one.

But the war is certainly not over. I live in dread of the next time I need to replace my empty cylinders. This is not a personal ‘fight’ between the deliveryman and me. The system stinks.

I feel sorry for the guy. It is a very tough job carrying all those cylinders around. Besides, having to put up with angry motorists, since he has to constantly block narrow streets, must make the man a nervous wreck.

No wonder he needs all those reminder mobile calls. But is that something we consumers should have to put up with?

The current controversy, which is certainly not helping, is whether the existing deliverymen should deliver two brands of gas in the future. Liquigas has now got competition, from Easygas.

But, since at the moment there are no home deliveries by Easygas, I don’t know what’s ‘Easy’ about it.

The only thing more anachronistic than the current delivery service is having to lug cylinders around in your car.

GRTU director-general Vince Farrugia is insisting, that the current deliverymen should be able to distribute the gas products of both companies.

And it seems that most (at least according to The Times online poll) agree. Are these people mad? The current delivery situation is messy enough; I cannot begin to imagine the chaos that system would produce.

Don’t we have enough problems with green, yellow and brown cylinder deliveries? When I phoned the Liquigas manager to complain about the dreadful customer service we are getting, as though the company doesn’t know, I was told he was at a meeting and his assistant told me that Liquigas have no control over deliveries and I should direct my complaints to the Malta Resources Authority.

By this time I had had my fill of the pass the buck game. Besides, I was watching the news about the floods in Queensland and in Brazil on the telly, so frankly my problems seemed trivial.

However, the difference is that the floods were beyond man’s control. Our problems, which are minor by comparison, are man made.

[email protected]