Readers will remember the news story carried in this newspaper last week on marriage and divorce. Figures we obtained from Eurostat and the National Statistics Office show that for every five marriages that took place in Malta in 2008, there was one separation case concluded locally or a divorce obtained abroad. We also published results of the same equation in other European countries.
Journalists love statistics. Numbers are always a story, whichever way you look at them. But, while working on this particular news item with my colleague David Lindsay, I kept telling myself that behind those figures, there were individual people, all with their own experience, suffering and heartbreak.
Often, we tend to forget this.
When we publish statistics of the number of people who are unemployed, we do not realise that each and every one of them is a man or woman who needs a job to maintain him or herself and, on many occasions, a family as well.
When we publish statistics on how many operations were carried out at Mater Dei Hospital, we do not realise that each one of them was a trauma for the person involved and his or her family.
The same goes for marriage separations and divorces.
Each and every case is a sad story of a couple who were in love, were married, possibly had children and then suddenly things went wrong and there was no way they could restore their relationship. There may have been several efforts on their part to try to reconcile, maybe their families were involved in trying to patch things up, maybe they even sought counselling in a bid to work things out. But all attempts failed, and they wanted to live apart.
Elsewhere, this couple divorces. In Malta, so far, they separate.
Elsewhere, what were once husband and wife can form new families with new partners, and they can get married again. In Malta, they can form new relationships, but so far these cannot be made official, unless they obtain an annulment from the Church, which is followed by a civil annulment, and which could allow them to get married a second time.
We have been discussing divorce for decades. Every now and then, the topic has been set high on the agenda, but it always ended up on the backburner after all the arguments had been made and repeated.
Things seem to be different this time. First, we had a Nationalist MP surprising one and all when he presented a Private Member’s Bill in Parliament. This set the ball rolling, and soon he was joined by others, including representatives of the Labour Party, to push the idea forward. A movement in favour of the introduction of divorce was set up, which has been countered by another movement against it.
It is likely that, this time, we will have a decision. We will no longer talk about it at great length and leave things as they are. What we need to decide is how we will resolve the issue.
But let’s leave that aside for now.
I am in favour of divorce for one simple reason – it is a personal matter. Just as much as I expect nobody to interfere in my personal life, I should not interfere in anyone else’s. If a couple wants to break up and divorce, they should have the freedom to do so. It is their life, and therefore it is their choice.
The following question is aimed at all those who are against divorce. They should ask themselves: “Who am I to decide how other people’s lives should be led?”
Nobody is imposing divorce on anyone. But similarly, nobody should impose rules on anyone as to what to do with his or her life. The forces against divorce should understand that they should not impose their beliefs on others, as they are doing. We should all be entitled to make up our minds as mature adults in our own best interests. The Inquisition ended centuries ago.
Divorce should be available to all those who want to end their marriage. What is being proposed is not that a divorce should be given the day after it is applied for and, once granted, those involved can get married again the next day. No, we are talking about a lengthy period of transition between an application for a divorce and its granting. It won’t be a Hollywood-type divorce.
It does not follow that, if divorce is legal, there will be more couples who decide to break up. If couples are happy, divorce will be the last thing on their mind. But those couples whose future is bleak should have a way out. And this way out should not only be separation, which gives a partial solution. The way out should be divorce.
Divorce is a hurtful experience. But it is less hurtful than having to endure the rest of your life with someone you no longer love, no longer feel comfortable with and with whom you no longer share the most common everyday experiences.
Divorce is just the end of a chapter, with a view to a better life ahead. If couples believe that their relationship no longer has a future, they should have every right to end it and, if they want, to start afresh with another partner.
If they can no longer find happiness in their current marriage, why should they be deprived of the chance of finding happiness with another person?
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