Here are some reasons that cause separations: lack of commitment in marriage, lack of preparation for marriage, lack of communication between spouses, selfishness, infidelity, lack of forgiveness, lack of understanding, lack of maturity, financial problems, forced marriages, cohabitation before marriage, blind choices, lack of patience, sexual incompatibility, sexual abuse, physical abuse, lack of tolerance, emotional abuse, falling out of love, carelessness and lack of support.

Malta has become a nation where many wives complain that their husbands are workaholics and where many other families have both parents working full-time. The economy and standard of living have declined so much that, even with two working parents, it is very hard to maintain the standard of living. By standard of living, I don’t just mean wealth. I mean a standard in which people could work and rest and be together at home.

Pressure, economics and the change in our lifestyle are causing too many problems for the family to handle. This is leading many weak spouses to the courts, seeking separation. Afraid of this situation, some women prefer becoming single mothers to marriage. Also, this situation is pushing couples into cohabitation before marriage to test whether such arrangements work in the long term. No they don’t. Every empirical study seen indicates that living together before marriage does not produce healthier, happier marriages, but the contrary. Mature love is built on the security of knowing that your love is exclusive and permanent. A high percentage of these couples who cohabitate before marriage end up in court to separate.

A legal separation is a lot like a divorce. It involves the same process of filing papers with the court to start a legal action, and the court has to make the same decisions about children, debts and assets as in a divorce. However, at the end of the process the parties are legally separated instead of being divorced. That means they are still married but not responsible for each other.

People end up in court for a separation, because they wait too long to find solutions to the problems in their marriage. They are afraid of a little humility and don’t seek professional help like from Appogg Agency (help line 2295 9000) or Caritas Malta (help line 2590 6600). They think they can solve a problem alone, even though they don’t have the skills to solve such problems. This lack of willingness to admit to needing help is sending spouses to court for separation.

The decision to separate is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. Marital problems, pain in your relationship and frustration with it do not always mean that you need separation. But it does mean you need help. Go and seek that help – go now if your marriage is shaking.

Peter Grima

Sliema