I met an 18-year-old girl who was decisively in favour of the legalisation of a divorce law in our country. Her reason was simple: “I do not even have a steady boyfriend right now but one never knows what may happen when I eventually marry the man of my dreams”. 

This young lady already thinks that she may have problems in her married life. We are being told these days that people like her are being realistic. So, where is the commitment that people such as she are obliged to put into married life? She is already thinking of having an emergency exit out of her marriage, which already ruins her life-long vow to the husband of her choice. Her marriage vows are amended to mean that she is taking her spouse for better times, while everything is rosy and both are healthy, until problems arise. 

Yes of course I advised her not to enter into a marriage with that attitude: it would be dangerous to start a marriage with such a false promise. We all know that ALL marriages encounter problems but not everyone handles them properly. When you have a fire, you should look for the extinguisher to put it out while it is still and controllable. You do not run away, because then you will lose everything. It is the same with marriage. Face the problems, try to resolve them, seeking expert help if need be, do not postpone them until the next week and do not create even more problems. Many problems in marriages are created by one or both spouses – so we have to go back to the beginning, to the wedding day, when the promise of loyalty and love was made till death separates them. Has that promise been honoured by both spouses? 

Then there is forgiveness, which I know is easier said than done. But it is possible. With a lot of pain, and a process of deep understanding by both spouses, the wedding day vows can be revived to save a marriage. I know couples who have passed through this experience in recent months and their deep satisfaction is difficult to describe. Their children are obviously the happiest children in Malta right now, because they can appreciate much more what they were going to lose.

Do not think what might happen to your marriage in the future. Your marriage will be what you put into it. If both partners give their 100 per cent, the value will only go up – and that is guaranteed. Your present commitment is the guarantee for the future of your marriage.

Michael Pulé

SANTA LUCIJA