Breaking out from ‘neath the big black skirt

I was brought up on these islands and I hold some very special childhood memories, here. However, no sooner had I hit puberty that my inner peace got constantly battered by hurricanes, earthquakes and tsunamis. One of my sharpest memories is that of a priest who sermonised to an assembly hall full of pubescent girls about the sins of the flesh. He either knew nothing whatsoever about female hormones or enjoyed seeing young girls squirm as threats of hell, fire and damnation came tumbling down from his intimidating oracle. Okay girls ... stop your hormone function at once ...this is the Church speaking.

The oppressive school I went to did not help my situation. Asking nuns intelligent questions only led to BIG trouble. More mutant tactics ... shut down your lively inquisitive mind, dear ... Mama Church has ALL the answers, and there are absolutely no questions left you need to ask. Yes, that’s right Church, that’s a good idea. Keep us out of step with the rest of the world ... then be proud to call yourself Maltese.

Errrm ...sorry all ye devout Catholic folks, something’s not right.

So how have I turned out like this?

As a teenager I keenly felt the oppression around me. All areas of my life were under strict control and surveillance. Oppression at home and at school reached a climax. After a little episode things began to shift. I took a trip away from Malta with a non-Maltese male friend. When I returned I declared that I wanted to leave home. My behaviour was perceived as audacious, sending off a massive bolt right between my father’s panicking ears. His response, typical of that era, was: “If you want to leave home, you have to get married first.”

I was only 18 with no experience of life, just the limited existence I was permitted. So I got married in church (but between you and me I got married because of the Church) only to obtain a divorce about 15 months later.

“The situation is of your own making” I hear them say. How very true! The situation is also of the Church’s making. It is the tension between the anomalous teachings of the Church and need for personal freedom (the kind that harms absolutely no one) which drive many good people away from the Church.

The circumstances of my divorce are not an issue here. The issue is that the social impact of annulment, divorce and separation are exactly the same. It means two people have stopped living together. It means children’s custody has to be negotiated. It means property needs to be divided. Period.

Equating the divorce status with social instability is a non sequitur. Not unless people want to treat divorcees differently from those whose marriages have been annulled. This kind of discrimination is what the Church is inciting and it is exactly what brings about social discord.

Now what does it matter whether or not a person chooses to remarry following annulment or chooses to remarry following divorce? And how on earth does annulment (but not divorce) stop a violent person from misbehaving again should he or she choose to remarry?

Some well-meaning Maltese Catholics are not aware that the necessity for divorce legislation simply reflects current social needs and realties. How can divorce legislation cause people to take marriage lightly for heaven’s sake? Has the availability of legal separation and annulment ever caused people to take marriage lightly? Also, some Maltese Catholics are hung up on the word divorce as if the word has demonic connotations. Well, yes but only in the sense that a failed marriage can be a living hell.

Back to why I refuse to call myself Maltese ... Back in the early seventies I became a pariah from Maltese society. Divorced, barely 21 years old and literally holding the baby – a beautiful baby girl. The respectable Catholic Maltese community had no time for me and to be perfectly blunt I had no time for it either. Thankfully, I was not living in Malta.

Did I feel upset by the Church and the way its mystifyingly mores impacted on me and my family? Yes, there was a time when I felt very hurt and excluded – but eventually I realised that the malaise did not lie with me. I read avidly about the different versions of the history of the human race, the origins of the many global religions, and the many, many versions of the Jesus story. This expansion in my awareness did not destabilise me. On the contrary, it set me free from the RC cult. I now understand how important it is to be aware of false and dangerous synonyms: one true God = Catholic Church; Jesus Christ = Priest; Forgiveness = Confessional and so on. These belong exclusively to the Vatican thesaurus and nowhere else.

Clearly today, the Church is no longer a huge domineering force whose black skirt looms large over my head – dictating how I must think and feel; and the biggest intrusion of all – dictating how I manage my very sexuality. Sorry devout Catholic folks ... I consider these intrusions as very profound perversions. YES, that’s exactly what I said, perversions. One’s sexuality is a private matter as is sex before, during and after marriage. It would be a huge abomination to state that the Messiah stuck his nose in other people’s intimate and private sexual affairs, as do priests in the confessional. Sorry priests ‘n all ... these behaviours simply do not sit well with self-respecting persons.

It is also an abomination to include a third party to a marriage between two people. Okay, marry in church if you like, but the vows are between two people not between two people and the Church, which is what seems to be the current modus operandi. You see, only she in the black skirt can annul it for you ... and only if she wants to. If there’s a soul out there that truly believes that Canon Law is a reputable body of knowledge applied by self-respecting lawyers please come forward.

Sorry Deborah (Schembri) ... no insult meant ... feel free to convince me that Canon Law is not fuddled, muddled, profoundly inconsistent and groundlessly discriminatory.

A fundamental premise of Canon Law is that women are inferior beings. What sane woman on earth would want to seek help or have any association with the Roman Church when the world is full of institutions and organisations which embrace both sexes freely? And pray, how can we discriminate against one half of the human race and still expect social stability?

So what do I call myself then, if I don’t call myself Maltese?

I am a global citizen who likes to think that every individual has a right to choose his/her own path. We are all growing and learning from one another and because of each other. And becoming aware of how people are placed, what their needs are right now instead of giving them worn down directions, sounds like a good idea to me.

My oppressive past ‘neath her with the big black skirt (with the occasional flashes of scarlet and white) is well behind me now. The intransigent Roman Church will not budge a nanomillimetre. So be it. She is, after all, infallible − a position that oozes, what it’s called? Humility?

It doesn’t matter which belief system one holds. What matters is that the state through its legislation shows respect to all people irrespective of their belief systems (including atheism) and that the many different views are allowed to be expressed without suppression. It is not right or fair to impose beliefs on others and to issue threats if they do not comply. I don’t remember the scriptures saying that Jesus forced anyone to follow him.

We have all of us together created the predicament we are in. And now is the time for all of us to deal with it responsibly. How, in God’s name, can accepting divorced people in the community bring harm?

When Malta embraces the concept of ‘Unity Through Diversity’: when Malta begins to adopt a truly catholic (universal) approach which brings about harmony irrespective of the diversity of beliefs, that’s when I will feel comfortable calling myself Maltese.

When the Maltese state and community accept that the world is brimming with different belief systems and that there is so much to learn from all of them; when the Maltese nation stops equating being Maltese with being Catholic; and when the Maltese legislature understands the need to legislate in favour of certain fundamental freedoms, then I will call myself Maltese.

The writer, who has been living abroad for over 40 years, is of Maltese extraction