But no; we continue to squeeze everything we can from them. Our parents are, on the other hand, only too willing to give a hand and to look after grandchildren.

If this were not the general run-of-the-mill one would be quite content to admit that for some it is fine. But the reality is that it has become an epidemic with new kinds to medical problems, including stress, depression, back pain etc, being presented by these elderly people. Although there are no studies to show this, this would be a fault of the lack of resources to study these situations. As we all know, observation is the motivation for studies and absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

But why is it necessary to speak about this again. We have just been going through a referendum on divorce and during this referendum we spoke about protecting the family and doing all that is necessary to keep them together. We must see how in today’s world, women can enter professional lives without blaming them for negative impacts on families. Consider the following case: A young couple with two children both work daily jobs. The children are kept by the mother’s parents. The father is a foreigner. Coming from a third-world country he has always wished to have a nice flashy car. He suddenly decides to buy this car and causes a lot of family turmoil to the point that the wife leaves him. After a few months’ of their parents keeping their children for them, and the wife living again in her old bedroom, they decide to get back together.

Upon reflection, many things could have gone wrong, and in fairness only a psychologist would be able to penetrate their problems. There are certainly cultural differences. But one cannot but notice that monetary issues came in the way. Can one ask whether the man would have bought his nice car, and the woman would have bought the leather sofa instead of a cheaper one, had they to make ends meet if their grandparents were not keeping their children for them.

Parents are not chattels. Of course they are only too willing to contribute and often it is probably to their own enjoyment as well – to a certain point! When we move them about to fit our needs every single day, then the relationship verges on the abusive. This is not to mention that often children are sent to summer schools not for their own sake but for the sake of the parents; and of course it is ‘nannu’ who has to receive them at home early in the morning to walk them to and from school. We complain that we barely make ends meet – and this is the excuse. But the reality is that if you look at lifestyles, the loans people take are only to make them live in luxury.

Now one can argue that we all have a right to live in luxury. But when one puts this luxury over and above the value of their own children and their own parents, then I would call this stealing at most, but unfair and inconsiderate at least.

A lot of family breakdowns come with this sort of cultural baggage which we tend to ignore. When the problem is with marriages, we may not see that the stress on grandparents may be part of that same problem. Couples have to learn how to live responsibly by not abusing other people. Is this asking too much? This does not mean not asking for the occasional favour. It does not either mean that sometimes as families we sacrifice for each other. But when someone goes to beg to his parents and cries crocodile tears because he can’t make ends meet and because the loans are too hefty, only to buy that big-screen TV and to change one’s care a tad too often, is pitiful. These people need help.

We are unfortunately of an age where many of our young couples need their ears pulled. They continue going to cry to mama. Mama even looks after so many fatherless children these days whilst the young mama continues to indulge in spending that child relief in sexy clothes. Doesn’t she have a right? Who are you to judge? When you are the grandparent or the doctor listening to their complaints, I think you not only have a right to make the observation but are in fact obliged to. Perhaps we as a society have stopped teaching our young children the value of family, money, living in simplicity, etc. Then it is our own fault and it is simply backfiring. If so, then we have an even more obligation to amend things.

Pierre Mallia is Associate Professor in Family Medicine, Patients’ Rights and Bioethics at the University of Malta; he is also Ethics Advisor to the Medical Council of Malta. He is also former president of the Malta College of

Family Doctors