Today, 17 June, is Father’s Day. What spontaneously comes to my mind is the countless number of fathers who celebrate their feast today. Even if post-modern society tries to throw an ambiguous light on the father figure as well as his essential role in his children’s development, fathers still have a pivotal role to play within their family milieu. Even if nowadays the number of separated or divorced fathers is alarmingly on the increase, no one can replace their unique responsibility in their children’s lives. Who is a father?
I once read the following unknown quotation that set me thinking. “A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again. A dad is someone who wants to keep you from making mistakes but instead lets you find your own way, even though his heart breaks in silence when you get hurt. A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, shines with pride when you succeed, and has faith in you even when you fail...” Thus, a father protects, restores, liberates, gives space to his children to learn from their mistakes, suffers in silence, treasures, disciplines, rejoices in his children’s success, and, especially, trusts in them.
As I read these admirable qualities, I am imagining many filial eyebrows frowning in utter disagreement. I can understand that they simply want to forget or, if they can, obliterate their childhood negative experiences altogether. It is very hard to accept that your father instead of protecting, encouraging and counselling you frankly abused, discouraged and ignored you completely. Many memories are haunted by psychological and physical threats and beatings at the hands of irresponsible fathers!
Considering the faults they knowingly or unknowingly commit, fathers necessarily need role models on which to fashion their calling of fatherhood. The best of all fathers is certainly God. No wonder the main 18th century English poet, William Wordsworth, said: “Father! To God himself we cannot give a holier name”. Jesus gives us a fascinating description of what a father must be. He does so by presenting to us the character of our father who is in heaven.
God the Father provides for our life’s daily needs. “Give us this day our daily bread” (Matt 6, 11). Even to his enemies. “Your Father who is in heaven … makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matt 5, 45). God the Father is merciful. “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6, 36). He hides his wisdom from the wise and the learned of this world and reveals it instead to the simple ones. “I thank thee, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to babes; yea, Father, for such was thy gracious will” (Matt 11, 25-26). He forgives those who killed his beloved son Jesus. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23, 34). He is always ready to forgive us provided that we forgive one another. “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6, 12).
Fathers may naturally feel discouraged by this formidable and ideal character of God the Father. I tend to agree with what Kent Nerburn wrote in his book Letters to My Son: Reflections on Becoming a Man: “It is much easier to become a father than to be one.” Becoming a father is both the result of nature and nurture. It implies skill.
However, this perfect portrait of God’s fatherhood can somehow be reached. How?
Karen Anderson’s five ways of how fathers can inspire their children can surely be of great help. First, set an example. Actions speak louder than words. Second, treat their mother respectfully. Third, spend time with them. Fourth, encourage them without the need of finding fault. Fifth, teach them right from wrong.
Mario Attard OFM Cap
SAN GWANN