September has not been a good month for Maltese women. We have heard accounts of women being beaten up, stabbed or shot at and our horror was only exacerbated by the comments of a well-known doctor regarding domestic violence, which sent a ripple of shockwaves through our society.
I was present at the seminar on Gender Violence and although what hit the headlines was Josie Muscat’s comments that most cases of domestic violence are the result of provocation, unfortunately I failed to see any coverage of the heart-wrenching experience of one of the guest speakers, herself a victim of domestic violence. Josie Muscat provoked online and offline outrage with his insensitive comments but, as usual, the focus of media attention was on the male and his sentiments rather than on the female victim. To add insult to injury, I was horrified to discover that some of my male work colleagues cautiously admitted to agreeing with the eminent doctor.
How can you ever, under any circumstances, justify violence? Do Maltese men still need to resort to violence to assert their authority? The reaction of the audience at the Gender Violence Forum in reaction to Muscat’s comments was one of condemnation and anger – but, then again, there weren’t that many males in the audience! The online comments regarding this story revealed the chilling truth that, despite our best efforts to raise awareness on domestic violence, be it physical or psychological, not only have we not eradicated this scourge on society but we have a number of perpetrators and others who seriously believe that it is their God-given right to react violently if insulted, contradicted or provoked!
Domestic violence is not a new phenomenon and it is estimated that one in every three women worldwide has suffered from or is experiencing domestic violence. This violence must stop! This is not about gender empowerment or gender authority, full stop. This is about abuse, abuse which, under no circumstances, should be justified – even if there is provocation. A man who resorts to violence to assert his authority is revealing not his strength but his weakness as an individual. Unfortunately, what happens behind closed doors sometimes stays behind closed doors, making it difficult for help to reach the victims.
During her presentation at the seminar, Grace Attard remarked that she was reluctant to refer to victims as such and I tend to agree with her and would rather we call them ‘martyrs’. Having heard countless accounts of incidences of domestic violence in this country and far from our shores, I am safe in the knowledge that there can never, ever be a single case of such violence where it is justified because of provocation. And so Josie Muscat’s comments came as a shock, especially since in his profession he is at risk of revealing his true feelings with patients and victims, fuelling justification and further fear and violence.
Does provocation exist? Yes. Can males find themselves in situations where their patience is more than tried? Yes. Can daily incessant marital arguments make living a misery? Yes. Do males find it difficult to express their emotions? Yes. Do Maltese men still think that violence is a means of asserting their authority? Some do. Is violence the answer? No! Whatever the provocation, and even if psychological abuse is being inflicted on the male, physical violence can never be justified.
Earlier this year, a case of domestic violence in Pakistan hit the international headlines when 17-year-old Salma Bibi threatened to kill herself unless police brought her husband to justice after he beat her, bound her and hacked off her nose and lips with a razor. Cases like these may sound extreme to us, but they are an everyday occurrence in Pakistan. Closer to home, the chilling reality is that domestic violence is still present in Maltese households but because of our close-knit society, such cases hardly ever make the headlines, except of course when the violence escalates to murder or attempted murder. Shame, a desire to protect the children and family and a hope that things will change for the better are all elements of a regrettable decision not to seek help.
The recent controversial remarks over this affliction in our society show that much still needs to be done to educate and to promote awareness on domestic violence. This is not about gender superiority in any way but about eradicating violence and abuse. It must stop. Full stop. And it can never, ever be justified!
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