Christmas. There’s so much happening in this one feast. First, for many it’s a religious celebration, but mostly a time to partake in certain traditions and customs passed down over the years. In this context, it’s also a time to reconnect with extended families, friends and people in our lives we don’t see so often. It can be an incredibly fun and exciting time, especially for children, but it can also be a period of stress and difficulty.

Let’s face it, Christmas is stressful. For some it’s also lonely, and for a few others it brings back painful memories. I’m not a miracle worker, I have no magical powers, nor am I the Dalai Lama... but you and I, we’re going to get through this together. For the Christmas lovers out there, your time has come.

For those less enthusiastic people, it’s time to get positive, and we’re going to start right now.

Shopping tips

Regardless of what you think about Christmas, it is truly a remarkable event. Just think about it. The birth of Jesus as described in the Christian religion, that prompted three wise men to present him with gifts of gold, incense and myrrh has somehow evolved into a ravaging quest for us to buy as many gifts as possible (and hopefully receive more in return). That’s creativity at its best!

We race out to buy a crib, poinsettias, a Christmas tree, tinsel, stockings to place all the gifts in (erm, just the small ones)... we buy cards to send out as quickly as possible to make sure they arrive in time, and then, the ultimate test of endurance: Christmas shopping.

Having grown up in Australia, I consider myself a true survivor. I can handle all types of predator, from rattlesnakes, dingoes, and sharks to redback spiders – one bite and you’re dead – all while battling a raging bushfire, so when my brother warned me to avoid Christmas shopping at all costs, I laughed.

My friends, take a little advice from me, if you haven’t done your Christmas shopping yet, go prepared. And in the true spirit of Christmas giving, I’ve prepared a little list of what essentials you’ll need to survive this harrowing event.

·         Safety shoes in the event you’re trampled on by a crowd of over-enthusiastic, not-so-slim kids racing to try the new Christmas McFlurry

·         Industrial ear plugs to prevent early deafness-by-Christmas carol

·         Elbow pads to fight your way to the cash desk

·         Megaphone – to politely remind fellow shoppers to keep the queue

·         Stun gun – for that woman who will not obey your instructions to move to the end of the queue

·         High glucose snacks – you’re going to need your energy

Christmas lunch

Shopping done, gifts under the tree, it’s time to think about the Christmas meal. Whatever you do, no matter how good you think your roast potatoes are, leave the heroics to someone else, preferably a mother, or a very good cook father, and do not offer to have everyone over to your house for Christmas lunch. Yes you’ll be basking in compliments, boosting your ego for a good two weeks, but when everyone goes home, nice and full, and rosy-cheeked with all the wine, who’ll be left to clean up the mess? Yes, you, the wannabe Jamie Oliver.

Oh, you have a dishwasher do you? Try stacking it after a couple of bottles of wine and a pulled calf muscle after showing off during a fun-filled family game of Twister. Not fun, trust me! Yes, the only suitable venue for Christmas lunch is your parents’ house, or if you are the parent, a restaurant.

Single at Christmas

Who said Christmas is for couples? No, it isn’t. If you’re single and feeling left out, nonchalantly trying to avoid the mistletoe, stop immediately please. Do not be fooled by the happy-looking couples prancing around Paceville overly dressed, looking like they have somewhere to go. They’re secretly jealous of you!

Christmas is the perfect time to be single because you avoid having to buy that one expensive gift and it’s the time when all the other singletons are out and looking for romance. Go out and enjoy it, and don’t allow yourself to wallow in self-pity. Whereas on any other day you may be stuck for an opening chat up line, during the Christmas period all you need are two words ‘Merry Christmas’.

And it doesn’t end there. You can ask the person you’re interested in what they’re doing for Christmas, what they did last year, and what they’re doing for New Year. The list of topic conversations is endless. Then, slowly but surely, make your way to the mistletoe...

Food overdose

For those who struggle with their weight, Christmas is not an easy time. We live in Malta. No amount of gym-going, circuit training, and panting along the seafront can compensate for the amount of food you’ll be eating during this period.

You’ll refuse the Christmas log of one colleague only to see a plate of mince pies appearing in front of your face two minutes later from the desk in front of you.

Your polite refusals will be met with ‘U ejja kul xi haga!’ You’ll try to explain that you’re gluten intolerant and cannot eat what they’re offering, only to be met with bewildered stares and looks of disgust. ‘X’gluten gluten? Din bicca kejk ta?’

 For those of you who, like me, put on weight just by looking at food, try to exercise more during this period. Also, don’t be embarrassed or worried about offending anyone when refusing their Christmas goodies. It’s your body and only you know how you’ll feel afterwards.

Having said that, don’t be too hard on yourself either. If you do happen to put on a bit of weight during Christmas, you’ll have time to get back to your normal weight after the festivities are over. The fact is, you’ll probably be socialising more during this period, and with that comes food and alcohol, so enjoy it in moderation with the knowledge that any extra weight you may put on will be lost once you resume your healthy eating.

Christmas spirit

Now let’s take the positive thinking to a new level. If you’re blessed with family, friends, food, money to buy presents and the health to go out, partner in tow or not, what better way to feel better about Christmas than to do something for someone else?

It doesn’t matter what it is. Donate money to a good cause; buy an anonymous gift for someone you know needs cheering up; volunteer your time for a charity; or be patient and kind to someone you normally don’t have time for.

Christmas is not all about you, or the gifts and the great parties. Essentially, it’s a religious celebration, but you don’t need to be religious to know that the materialistic side of Christmas very often takes over during this period and we lose sight of what’s really important. Take some time to reflect on what you can give during this period, and I’m not talking about expensive gifts or other superficial aspects of Christmas.

Ignorance is bliss

If positive thinking fails, indulge in a little thing called denial. Yes, defence mechanisms were created for a reason, and for those in need, this is the time to use them. Forget any preconceived ideas of what Christmas is supposed to be like. There’s no place for ‘shoulds’ or ‘buts’ here.

What I like to tell myself is that Christmas is just like any other day except it comes with some bonuses. One, you receive gifts, which is always a nice thing. Two, you get to eat really nice food and drink a little more than usual. Three, unless you work in catering (sorry guys, this one isn’t for you), you get an extra day off work.

How is this sounding? Christmas is sounding pretty good from where I’m standing. Ignore the reminders that Christmas is upon us. Block out the Christmas carols. You have no idea why they’re being played. To make it easier, never, under any circumstances, leave home without your MP3 player. You get the idea? Deny, deny, deny!

So there you have it, a foolproof guide to avoiding the pitfalls of Christmas, emerging unscathed if you do stumble and, most of all, finding your own unique way of enjoying the day. I wish you a marvellous Christmas full of whatever you need to make your day special, whether it is love, a delicious piece of Christmas pudding, romance or a hug from your dog.   

If all else fails, a sense of humour and some positive energy will go a long way!