Some months ago, it was reported in a local newspaper that porn sites top the list of Internet searches of Malta. In a sense, the news itself is no news at all since most are aware that porn sites, unfortunately, keep being chosen despite their harmful effects on individuals, families and society as a whole.
Pornography is destructive in many ways. To begin with it, it stimulates a man to use a woman solely to gratify his own sexual pleasure. It was not God’s plan that people use each other in all sorts of ways including sexually. Thus, when a man watches pornography he completely overlooks the fact that a woman is a person like himself who has thoughts and feelings. Added to this is a total disregard of the reality that she is somebody’s daughter and that she might have ended up in this awful industry due to some horrible circumstances in which she found herself. The pornographic user is certainly not conscious of the ruthless abuse and exploitation women suffer in the pornographic industry. What he only knows is that a woman is always available for him online in order to satisfy his sexual pleasure.
Pornography is also seriously detrimental to marriages and families. As soon as a woman finds out that her husband is making use of pornography, she rightly feels very distressed. In fact, many women think it so serious that they regard it as being tantamount to an extramarital affair. Hence, pornography can break marital trust. As a result, a woman can lose all the respect she has for her husband. Moreover, her distrust might lead her to view her husband as not being a good role model for her children anymore. Sadly, many women suffer serious emotional trauma because of their husbands’ use of pornography.
Pornography severely impairs young people’s capacity to nourish healthy relationships. The destructive message it conveys to young men is that women are there only for fulfilling their sexual pleasure. On the other hand, young women start believing the message that pornography conveys to them, namely that for them to be loved and desired they have to look and behave like porn stars. There is no shadow of a doubt that pornography is distorting their idea of what healthy sexual relationships consist.
Pornography is not confined to visual images but also includes chat rooms. Women are likely to be victims of such harmful conversations. A lonely woman may easily resort to a chat room so that she can be whoever she desires to be. Her feeling of being unwanted and unappreciated can lead her into an online sexual relationship. By indulging in these kinds of relationships, a woman writes her own romance novel where she presents herself as the heroine. Women are liable to spend hours engaging in several online sexual relationships by writing pornographic content. What is more worrying is that women are more prone to meet in person the men they met online. This fact puts them in possibly hazardous situations. Although most people lie about themselves in chat rooms, the man a woman meets can easily be a serious predator.
The extremely damaging effects of pornography call for an immediate healing response. First, the family should be safeguarded by putting the computer in an open area where it is easily monitored, especially when children are using it. Peer support and friendships are especially helpful. Sharing one’s struggle with one’s spouse or with a close male friend is beneficial. Friends can be an added support for accountability. As the Bible says: “A brother helped is like a strong city” (Prov 18:19). Also the sacrament of reconciliation, spiritual direction, frequent Scripture reading and regular partaking of the Eucharist will certainly facilitate the resolution of the emotional, personality and spiritual conflicts that compel a person to the addictive use of pornography. Spiritual care will greatly help a person to grow in virtues. In fact, when a person commits himself/herself wholeheartedly to the hard work of growing in virtues, s/he generally experiences much less weakness to pornography.
Pornography is successfully combated if people are emotionally and spiritually sustained by the enriching values of communion, justice, respect and prudence. Sound education of the last mentioned values is undoubtedly needed.
Fr Mario Attard OFM Cap
SAN GWANN