Do you get the same feeling of anxiety and unease I get every time an expert or group of experts get it into their heads to “study and analyse” some particular item of traditional delicacy that has, for centuries, been a regular source of national consumption and enjoyment? The EU has a vast anthology of stories involving such studies and researches, much to the chagrin of time-honoured craftsmen and traditional producers and their ancestors who have been serving the stuff since much earlier than when the EU itself came into existence.

The Italians had their pizza, their cheeses and their salamis under “investigation” for a long time, while people all over the world still flocked to buy them. The French too had their problems with similar products and some wines, the Scots were openly irritated by the scrutiny of the traditional haggis, and the English were shocked to realise that even their standard fish-and-chips, often crudely served in used newsprint, was also under threat. Nearer to us, we are all familiar with the Swedish snus saga!

I guess, like the interfering teacher in Floyd’s famous “Another brick in the wall”, it was, and still is, meant to protect us from harmful diseases, physical or ideological.

The furore was always quickly followed by official reassurances that the much-loved fodder would not be denied and, thankfully, is still available, albeit with reasonable warnings about certain important aspects of hygiene and the required declaration of ingredients and other details.

At the end of last June, it was revealed that our very own gbejna could be facing the chop after Italian researchers on a joint Italo-Maltese project, amusingly titled “T-Cheesimal”, were said to have found “problems connected with hygiene and production”. So much so, the announcement of the results of the project had to be postponed. It was reported that practically all samples taken from 67 producers of the dairy goodies had different problems.

While many of us who have, all our lives, had all types of gbejniet from all types of producers, including Giga in our village who never ever washed her hands even after a quick pee behind the rubble wall, will appreciate the accent on hygiene, we will not take the banning of our gbejna sitting down.

The issue of hygiene and the protection of consumers is of the utmost importance and one would assume it applies to other national favourites, including bigilla, pastizzi, the hobza biz-zejt and the ftira. Public awareness needs to be raised, but stop making it look as if the plague is about to break out once again. Yes, burst into eating places and individual outlets to ensure safe standards are being kept and observed by all those involved in their production, but cut the academic hype and let the public know the facts. Name and shame if needs be.

My supermarket prides itself on politely asking clients to use tongs when picking the fresh bread that has just come in. The problem is that I have personally seen the fresh bread being delivered from the back of a nondescript van into the supermarket by a man wearing flip-flops and a sleeveless vest who had just used his massive hands to put the loaves on a crooked wooden tray.

Whatever the researchers are up to, just leave our gbejna alone!

***

One realistic comparison

I am not a racist. Yes, we all quickly seek to declare it. Some of us genuinely, some others conveniently. But I could not help making one realistic comparison after the recent rumpus on Malta’s stand regarding the issue of illegal immigration which came at a time when Australia’s comeback kid of a Prime Minister, the likeable Kevin Rudd, made it clear to the world that the Australians will be sending back all illegal immigrants trying to get into the country on boats from the surrounding geographical area.

Australia is not a member of the European Union, but it is still a member of the world community of nations. Australia is a continent with huge, unimaginable territories that have not seen an iota of human development. Australia’s population, when set against the incredible size of the land, is negligible.

Backtrack swiftly to our minuscule island with the highest population density in the whole of Europe. Our Prime Minister, Joseph Muscat, rightly warned that his new government will have to do something about the problem and the EU can’t expect to keep on taking us all for a ride. If adjectives could kill, Dr Muscat could already be a memory, but happily they don’t, and their expiry occurs within hours. Today, most people agree that his vociferous reaction to the recent boatloads of immigrants has had its effect, and those who need to listen are actually listening.

I don’t know about Rudd, though one has to admit he has to face a general election in a few weeks’ time, but Muscat has scored another great goal. It could just be an equaliser. The winning goal will only be when the EU agrees each and every member state has to take its fair and proportionate share of immigrants.

Until then, we just have to keep on making odious comparisons.

***

Baby royal baby

I am a sworn republican, so the birth of a royal baby, wherever it occurs, does not interest me one little bit. Of course that is not to deny that all babies are cute, cuddly things.

The UK media is often rightly accused of a sycophantic attitude towards their royal family, but happily there are exceptions. The best news title on the arrival of the latest royal offspring no doubt was that of Private Eye magazine. It simply read: “Woman has baby”.

***

“Only in Italy” v ‘Only in Malta”

I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the maxi-sized statue depicting the Zidane-Materassi footballing incident (the famous testata that cost its weight in gold) from the 2006 World Cup final in Germany. Believe it or not, it was erected in the middle of the most important piazza, right in front of the old duomo, in the Italian player’s home village of Pietrasanta.

The bronze sculpture is over five metres high and, incredibly, had been on display outside the Pompidou Centre in Paris before it was taken to its intended resting place. The French must either have a sense of humour or else are all masochists.

In a way, I am relieved. This definitely takes the prize and relieves us Maltese from the global pressure we have had to suffer for so long with regard to the hilarious Luqa monument some holier-than-thou fanatics had tried to hide from Pope Benedict when he was driven past it three years ago!