“Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” This magnificent piece of wit was expressed by the famous American inventor and businessman Thomas Alva Edison. It also explains the life of one of the greatest and wisest man the Church and the world has ever seen, Saint Augustine.
Saint Augustine, whose liturgical feast the Church celebrated on 28 August, is the perfect example of restlessness. He admitted that for a time his heart and mind were completely closed to the truth that holy restlessness tried incessantly to unravel to him.
He started his world-renowned book, ‘The Confessions’, by recounting this fact. “I was looking for something to love, for I was in love with loving, and I hated security and a smooth way, free from snares.
“Within me I had a dearth of that inner food which is thyself, my God – although that dearth caused me no hunger. And I remained without any appetite for incorruptible food – not because I was already filled with it, but because the emptier I became the more I loathed it”.
The more he tried to find his peace in pleasure, the more his bitterness and tormenting restlessness exploded within him. Augustine confesses: “My God, my mercy, with how much bitterness didst thou, out of thy infinite goodness, flavour that sweetness for me! For I was not only beloved but also I secretly reached the climax of enjoyment; and yet I was joyfully bound with troublesome tics, so that I could be scourged with the burning iron rods of jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and strife.”
Nevertheless God kept caring for his chosen wonderer. Indeed, when the perturbed Augustine was feeling lost, almost desperate, in this “unstable period of [his] life” (Confessions, III, 4), God providentially sent him Saint Ambrose to show him the way of truth.
This “friendly man” (Confessions V, 13,23) made Augustine think seriously about his life. His tireless restlessness evolved to such an extent that it “arose a mighty storm, accompanied by a mighty rain of tears” (Confessions, VIII, 12,28) within Augustine’s heart and mind.
Ambrose’s preaching, coupled with the indefatigable and tearful intercession of his holy mother Monica, pressed Augustine to make a decision: either opening himself to the saving message of the biblical or get perished all together.
“I was saying these things and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart, when suddenly I heard the voice of a boy or a girl I know not which – coming from the neighbouring house, chanting over and over again, ‘Pick it up, read it; pick it up, read it.’ [‘tolle lege, tolle lege’] Immediately I ceased weeping and began most earnestly to think whether it was usual for children in some kind of game to sing such a song, but I could not remember ever having heard the like. So, damming the torrent of my tears, I got to my feet, for I could not but think that this was a divine command to open the Bible and read the first passage I should light upon” (Confessions VIII, 12,29).
And as the untiring wonderer read the Apostle’s admonition which said: “Let us conduct ourselves becomingly as in the day, not in revelling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarrelling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires”, (Rom 13:13-14), he soon realized that “in [his] heart something like the light of full certainty and all the gloom of doubt vanished away” (Confessions VIII, 12,29). His restlessness reached its pinnacle by becoming God’s.
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” (Confessions, I, 1,1).
Do you want your restlessness to become God’s too as happened to Augustine? If yes, kindly contact the Augustinian Institute either by writing to the following address: Augustinian Institute, PO Box 61 Msida PO MSD1000. Or phoning the director Rev. Dr Salvino Caruana OSA on 2124 9407 or 9940 2102. You can also contact the Institute’s secretary on 2131 3644 – 9945 0099.
Fr Mario Attard OFM Cap
SAN GWANN