I refer to Daphne Caruana Galizia’s article entitled “In the beginning…” (TMIS, 8 September). I must congratulate Daphne for having, at last, acknowledged that mothers have a most important role in stimulating a child’s intelligence during the most crucial first three years of life. Maybe we shall start thinking twice before encouraging modern mums to run back to their career as soon as possible after they give birth, lest they feel like cabbages! Providing opportunities to help parents use precious time fruitfully with their kids may be more beneficial, after all. Some countries have realised this to the extent that they pay mothers to stay at home and bring up their children themselves for the first few years. Some parents even go on to do home schooling. This is only possible with good preparation and a proper backup system.

However family values are interpreted, children’s basic needs remain the same. Whether it is convenient or not, babies and toddlers need their mothers, who cannot be equally replaced by grandparents or carers, irrelevant how experienced or qualified these may be. During pregnancy, and even more during the birth, nature works hard to instil in the mother the necessary hormones – her innate ‘qualifications’, so that she will be able to nurture her baby in numerous ways. It is shown in the special way the happy mother looks at, listens to, smiles, talks and rocks her baby. These are the first stimulation strategies that come with attachment. It is known that this interaction really starts during pregnancy and with good education and proper support, is at its best during birth and the first hours after the birth. Alternative methods that are scientifically proven to naturally quieten fear and pain during the birth should be offered as they are shown to enhance the motherly instinct much better when compared to medications. The mother’s satisfaction with the birth experience will be extended throughout her life. No other person on earth will ever be prepared enough and in a better position to offer her child all it needs in the same way the mother does. Unfortunately, this is not generally accepted in Malta. I find that much advice given is condescending and the vulnerable mother is often conveniently led to believe that her numerous abilities can easily be replaced.

Obviously, this idea needs the proper kind of education and support for the mother to be adequately prepared for her admittedly demanding job. I have been suggesting the set up of a school for parents on a national scale for 35 years or so, but the idea was never accepted. The related information currently offered is too fragmented. An organised school for parents is able to offer a continuous programme starting with pregnancy, teaching both parents how they can relate to the baby in the womb. Movement, massage, communication and music are stimulating methods that a baby in the womb can already relate to. Education for parenting includes information on a child’s development, so that the right stimulation is offered at the right time. This includes vital tips for calming baby, sleeping, feeding, and as the child grows, information about ways of playing, skills for dealing with challenging behaviour, such as tantrums, and perhaps some basic First Aid which will surely come in handy. Being in control of the family’s everyday situations contribute a lot towards a parent’s self-esteem. This good feeling encourages even more positive interaction.

Such a programme will help parents obtain the self-confidence they very badly need. Skills for empowering parents should be held on the same level of importance, if not higher, with what is provided academically in our education system. Sometimes it seems that in certain areas of parenting, our society does not really want parents to be empowered. Generally speaking, parents are not encouraged and supported to shoulder responsibilities and make their own choices, as happens in other countries. This is most true in childbirth. Soon after the birth, the idea of keeping close contact with the baby, now known to be essential, is often discouraged, sometimes ridiculed and depicted as being too sentimental, or even harming. I still come across negative advice and read local articles where the mother-baby bond, to which breastfeeding and co-sleeping are just two contributing factors, is mockingly referred to as ‘super glue’. Truly, like in all mammals, this close contact with the mother is the first kind of stimulation a human baby needs, the foundation which makes the next kind of stimulation such as eye-to-eye contact, verbal communication, speech and reading, easier and more possible in the first years. The latter cannot happen smoothly without the former.

It is good news that such positive traits lead to a higher degree of intelligence, assertiveness and independence, together with better social and emotional skills in adulthood – certainly a great investment for any country! Here is hoping that proper education for parenting will sooner, better than later, be given the importance it deserves.

Marianne Theuma

MARSASCALA