Domestic violence. The phrase is alien to many of us, those of us who live in harmonious and happy relationships.
Every relationship, whether it is between a couple or a fully fledged family, is sometimes beset by problems, conflict and times of trouble. But most of us work it out. We communicate and we talk, we might have periods where we need to work on issues, but it is done with mutual respect and a genuine desire to make the relationship stronger.
But it is not the case for all of us. Just like anywhere else in the world, Malta sees its share of victims of domestic violence. Most of them are women, and a good portion of them have children.
It took some time for the phrase to enter Maltese psyche. In the past, the law was lenient on domestic violence and the court could do nothing but apply the law to the letter. But things have changed. Perpetrators of repeated and terrible abuse – whether psychological or physical - no longer get conditional discharges or suspended sentences. They get jail time. Also, changes to the law mean that when someone (usually a man) is charged with being violent to their partner or spouse, they automatically have to leave the house if they are allowed out on bail.
We are moving in the right direction. But still more needs to be done.
To mark the day against violence, Agenzija Appogg put out a chilling message: Abuse, psychological manipulation and mental torment, financial control and/or violence are amongst the various tactics used to control and instill fear and helplessness in the victim. Some men believe that women are their property and that they have a right to control lives – even if it means taking that life. We have seen this happen in our country.
On many occasions, abusers are what they are because they have an inherent problem. It is not because a woman has provoked or instigated something, they live in a different reality. But even if a woman has made a ‘mistake’, maybe breaking something, or saying something nasty, it is not an excuse for anyone to ever be violent or display behaviour that takes away a person’s dignity.
The sad fact is that many abusers are men. They are often jealous, controlling and intolerant of their partners or spouses. Appogg pointed out another chilling piece of information - Local statistics show that one in four women has experienced domestic violence at least one time in her life. But it also reminded that domestic violence victims are not always women but there are also a number of men suffering from this kind of abuse.
In the first six months of this year, Appogg dealt with 423 cases of domestic violence. 37 cases were dealt with in Gozo. All too often, abusers are a very different person when they are courting, it is only when a couple enters a matrimonial (or otherwise) home that the ‘real’ person comes out, and that is the abuser. The abuser will call the other person names, manipulate things to make themselves the victim and never admit to any blame in anything. They convince the other party that they are being provocative and then it descends further into physical and even sexual violence. Today, Malta will see the launch of a group – Men Against Violence on Women. What a laudable initiative. Violence of any kind is not to be tolerated. There are no excuses and the message has to be directed mostly to the men of this world – you are not a real man if you hit a woman. It’s an old adage, but it’s certainly true.