It seems that they have been around forever. They have infiltrated every community. They hide under the guise of public servants while practising their dark arts. Some say they are here to steal our liberty and feed our souls to strange and powerful beings. Others say they are caretakers of the gods preparing to take over Malta in one gradual malaise. They are creatures of horrible power, bordering on indescribable evil. They are the ‘Mepans’. You must do what you can to stop them. Pray you are not too late.

Reads like a novel no? Well, the underlying fact reflects the perception of the general public about Mepa (hence Mepans if that went over your head).

The sorry tale of the monstrosity proposed for the last remaining vestige of fresh air in San Gwann is led by one particular Mepan. A Mepan, whose brief as a case (sic) officer, who, mind you, never visited the site but wholeheartedly recommended its development to his Chief Mepan the chairman and his tribe.

Allow me now to uncover the untruth behind the original application. This called for the demolition of a ‘dilapidated’ farmhouse. This application was accepted by the case officer who never bothered to check if this might have been a misinterpretation on behalf of the developer… or worse.

Actually, it is even more comical than that. Yes, I have to resort to comedy as otherwise we would have crowds protesting against the Mepans parked in cars in Castille Square. With men in white coats chasing them.

Are you rolling about on the floor laughing yet? No? Ok then, more follows.

So this blessed ‘dilapidated farmhouse’ was given the following ‘final’ options by the Mepans.

1. The developer had to keep it no matter what because it was old. (Hmmm. Good that), or

2. It had to be dismantled stone by stone and rebuilt next to a similar farmhouse on the opposite end. (Paint by numbers anyone. Yes, yes I know you are laughing now). A small aside here, dear reader. You see, there are TWO farmhouses. One is still lived in by people long-established in San Gwann. They did not want to give up their farmhouse to the developer so he had to design around it. The other farmhouse – the dilapidated one (also lived in until some 10 years ago) is on the other end. Both are extremely old buildings with vernacular architecture. On to the third option.

3. Destroy both farmhouses. WHAT! But the still-lived-in farmhouse is private property with human beings living in it. How dare you come up with this idea. This is what you get when you dream up ideas by remote control. Ah, but the sun is too hot and the Mepans live in an air-conditioned environment. Waste of time visiting the property. And finally… and this takes the biscuit

4. Destroy the farmhouse, as moving it or building round it would prove too much of a glaring contrast with the ‘modern kerreja (tenement)’ being suggested.

And there you have it. We must do away with this ‘dilapidated’ 200-year-old farmhouse because it will look ugly next to this modern air choking domineering five-storey edifice in a sea of two-storey buildings ‘kerreja’.

Okay, let me now cut their umbilical cord once and for all. Here are the photos of the so-called ‘dilapidated’ farmhouse.

No Sires and Mepans. It is NOT dilapidated at all. It is in a very good shape in fact. Needs a bit of seeing to but nothing that a few euros would not fix.

I am sure the super quite local council mayor (who seems completely oblivious to what his own locality is going through) is seemingly unaware of all these shenanigans. Don’t blame him really, what with his own council house falling down around him and what not. Wakey, wakey will you.

Now Mepans, will you accept once and for all that the application was based on a wrong premise. 

Scrap it, start all over and approve a decent set of plans. Plans that Mepa itself provides in its own guidelines for the immediate environment of ANY proposed building.

Or are these, like the local highway code, honoured more in the breach.

Over to you Mr Humphries.

Stephen Saliba

San Gwann