Jane is a thirty-nine-year-old mother of two children, who are now over ten years of age. When Jane became pregnant with her first child, she decided to take a break from her career and become a full-time mum.

From the day she made the decision to leave her career and stay home, she lived in function of her family.  She continuously responded and attended to everything they required without ever expecting anything in return. She based her happiness and self-worth on the happiness and satisfaction of her family members.

The years passed and Jane continued to care for her family and maintain their home. Her children excelled both at school and in their extracurricular activities; her husband continued to advance in his career. Jane was the "daughter of", the "wife of", the "mother of", but what was she for herself?

Before having children, Jane was a nurse by profession. As a stay-at-home mum, she was not only nursing her own family, but also acting as a counsellor, teacher, maid, cook, chauffeur, manager and more - twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. She did more for her family than she was expected to do, but she felt that she had nothing to show for it.

She came to me for coaching one month before her fortieth birthday. Her children had grown and they did not need her as much as they once did. Many of her friends had pursued demanding and exciting careers, while she felt stuck and unaccomplished, and this negatively affected her self-confidence. She wanted to be proud, not just of the members of her family, but of herself as well.

The experience of motherhood differs for every woman. Some women might wish to stay at home with their children, but may not be able to due to economic reasons. Some women want to have children, but seek help outside the family in order to continue with their careers. Some women aspire to stay home, but may feel pressures from society to be a breadwinner. Some women may be made to feel guilty for leaving their children with a grandmother or a hired nanny.

With the help of coaching sessions, Jane realised that she had formed a habit of focusing exclusively on the needs and wishes of those around her at the expense of her own. When she wanted to do something for herself, she felt guilty for taking time and energy away from the family.

Through targeted exercises, techniques and active listening, Jane began to work on herself. It was necessary for her to alter her own perceptions and expectations of what a mother should realistically be expected to do. Once she began to shift her perspective, she was able to modify her behaviour. Jane began to delegate certain responsibilities to her children and husband. She learned that it was not necessary for her to be in control, and that members of her family were able to accomplish tasks and responsibilities without her, which granted Jane enough free time to begin thinking about going back to her career.

In preparation for her return to work in the next few months, Jane is attending nursing courses to refresh her knowledge and learn new procedures and protocols that have developed since she has been out of the workforce. She has also focussed on making time in her schedule to take care of herself physically and psychologically; she is making healthy eating and regular exercise a priority.

Like any change, Jane's development is a gradual process that involves practical and emotional adjustments, which affect the whole family. While Jane continues to support her children, they are learning to be more independent and responsible - a win-win solution.

Jane's outlook on life has since become more positive. She has more energy and is able to cherish the time that she spends with her husband and children. The family make it a priority to carve out time from their daily routine to be together. They are more closely knit than ever before, working as a team to ensure the effective functioning and wellbeing of their family.

When I met Jane, she was like a moth struggling to break out of its cocoon - wanting to fly and demonstrate her beauty and ability. Today, she is a butterfly. She has found focus and responsibility outside the home, which in turn gives her children supervised space to have their own experiences.

In the winding path of life, most mothers have experienced time in the workplace and time at home. The reasons for choosing to stay home or return to our career depend on each individual and family, but regardless of the situation, it is important for all mothers to remember who they are and what they need. It was important for Jane to understand that by getting back to work, she was not abandoning her family; it was time for her to make a change and see where the new path would lead.