The Convenience Ones

Amongst these we find the now famous Positions of Trust.  Anyone from the tea lady to the dog trainer, the janitor who watches the toilets in Hondoq and the crowd of Labour supporters who know no other way of becoming employed except by political patronage.

One rung up we find the Consultancy Services.  This is usually reserved for the more affluent or boring jobs for people who normally would not be able to move a file from one department to another but who can be relied upon to guard the door and show-off for the camera when needed.  In the more “pro-business” version, they also serve as laundering or obscuring hubs. 

Temporary solution is a more recent addition but which has been employed several times by Konrad Mizzi in regard to the LNG Tanker squatting in Marsaxlokk Bay.  Apparently there are a number of fishermen who are expressing an immediate affection for the oversized “vapur” and feel quite important about manouvering their fishing boat beneath it.  By not complaining, they are contributing to the greater good of Marsaxlokk, especially as regards the air pollution for residents.  However, even the “it’s doable” Konrad Mizzi can see the horror of it all and has resorted to the Temporary solution phrase as a mitigating cliché’.

The Downplayers

This bunch have been perfected and jump out quite automatically when Muscat is being questioned by journalists (when not exiting the back door).  I am sure that journalists have these saved in their computer and only need to press a key to insert the “Why shouldn’t he?” – Muscat on Keith Schembri’s business interests as ensuing from his Position of Trust, or “ I see no conflict of interest” when purchasing contracts somehow land on his company’s desk.  However, the biscuit goes to the famous “audit” by the invisible company of Konrad’s invisible assets.   That one is really wearing thin now, like a pair of tyres on our pot-holed roads but Muscat is not quite ready to ditch it yet.  Neither does he have a Temporary Solution yet to replace it and is forced to stick to the routine of “these things take time”.  For some variety, the “played down suggestions” version may occasionally be used by journalists.

Another handy downplayer very much in use lately is the “it is still unclear” . This one is worse than a weather forecast in October.  Normally one might expect it to be used when experts are asked to determine where the plane lost contact and fell into the sea or when the hurricane might reach shore.  Even then, some predictability is usually available but, sadly, the experts, ministers, consultants and press officers at Castille and the ERA can only say that it is still unclear when the power station will be productive or a solution to the traffic congestion may be available.

The Conceited

Hot on the heels of the downplayers are the Conceited clichés.  These usually emerge when Dr Muscat is particularly pressed by Media Link’s Mario Frendo.  Accompanied by the deeply furrowed brow, sideways glance, chin up expression comes the brilliantly dismissive “No, I don’t have a clue”.  Exasperation?  Frustration?  Or completely  and utterly “unfit for purpose”?  Anytime that some shade falls over Keith or Konrad, the stock phrase is  .. No, I don’t have a clue.  Like he is so busy with affairs of state that such minor details as to whether his trusted Chief of Staff and Minister for Health and Energy hold bank accounts for commissions and accounts in Panama are not something he would find time to concern himself with. 

Also common place is the phrase  “the information requested is of a commercial nature and thus cannot be published”.  This buzz phrase has now become the go-to phrase for every minister, ministry, agency and public private partnership.  From Herod to Pilate – pass it on until it comes round again, a little more worn.  This one is crucial to the requests for information on the Vitalis agreement for health services, for the Health & Safety Impact Assessments of the LNG power station, for Electrogas commitments, for Air Malta discussions, for Transport Malta and any other business.  With it also comes “could not give a definite time-line”.

On the Offensive ones

These include “with no disrespect” – invariably followed by a clear lack of respect towards the person in question.  It is also a good intro for bringing up something from the PN past.

With it comes the now wildly famous “negative” accusation.  Being “negative” was the first one commonly used, anticipating the trend of others to come.  Possibly arising from a lack of vocabulary and ability to criticise intelligently, this kindergarten cliché is outdated and yet continues to be used indiscriminately.  Chronic stagnation.  Evidence of a false sense of superiority and totally – actually – disrespectful.

The ditched ones

All of this, when, three years ago, the buzz words were Transparency, Accountability and Meritocracy.  Where are these words now?  Rusting at the bottom of the sea, it seems.  Maybe someone deleted them from the Labour lexicon and try as they might, these three pillar words of the 2013 electoral campaign, are unrecoverable.   Weak replacements are No Comment.   No comment on whether Konrad Mizzi should resign or whether Manuel Mallia should have resigned or on how the promotions at the AFM and the Police are managed or magistrates appointed.

Is it the result of a 36,000 majority that permits this stupidity and lack of responsibility towards the public and Parliament?  How far can it stretch?  Is it time for journalists to stop bothering to show up at press conferences or to stop sending their questions by email?  Let the showmen be ignored and you will soon find one who breaks rank and craftily come out with the comment.  As things stand, it is futile and a waste of time to pursue information and interviews which might result in actually bringing news and analysis to the public.  When the press office of Castille comes calling to ask why nobody showed up at the conference or why there is no mention in the news of the “important development”, why not return the reply:  send your questions by email.  The media has better things to do than stand for this conceit.  Not reporting any of the standard empty phrases, will do no disservice to the public and time could be better used to do some investigation of the facts leading to the real story.  On the contrary, we might have some relief from the chronic cliché fatigue.