I can barely keep up with the current drama that is unfolding in Malta’s political scene at the moment. Journalists being hauled before the police and asked to reveal their sources, political mudslinging reaching unprecedented levels, and a whole lot of lies, deceit, and ingrained corruption with no tangible chance of it being dealt with properly. The country’s reputation is being dragged through the international mill and all the government cares about is buying votes with false and unsustainable promises, and saving its own skin. But enough of that.
The popularity contest that is unfolding around us got me thinking – what would I do if I was a political candidate? Hell, what would I do if I was Prime Minister? Of course, there is absolutely no chance of that ever happening because as many of you are so fond of reminding me, I am nothing but a mere foreigner and as such, have no right to a say in any of the significant political goings on in this country. So, for now it is just a pipe dream, but this is what I would do.
1. I would create any necessary legislation that is required to build and open a crematorium immediately. This place is so short on space and people are not going to stop dying any time soon. Simply emptying old coffins into a skip to make more room is just not going to cut it anymore, so for the love of Twistees let’s open a crematorium where both humans, and animals, can be cremated and the ashes given back to their loved ones to do as they wish with them.
2. I would fire anyone who holds a position of trust, or any position of power in any national authorities, who has been found guilty of fraud, corruption, money laundering, embezzlement, or anything similar. I would immediately suspend anyone who is under investigation of those things until an investigation is concluded, and I would ensure total disclosure and ongoing monitoring of those aforementioned figures personal accounts and business interests.
3. I would launch a total overhaul of our legal system, AG office, the Police Corps and any other entities related to justice. Appointment would be based on merit and experience, and the government and the justice system would be separate and independent of each other. The rule of law in this country has become nothing more than an utter farce and I have absolutely no faith in the impartiality, honesty, and fairness of our current legal system.
4. I would set about creating a fully regulated framework that protects both landlords and tenants equally. This would comprise of a competent ombudsman, a proper regulatory system that is accessible for all, and a deposit scheme where tenants rental deposits are held and administered by a competent third party. I would also introduce rental price guidelines where increases are tied to the rate of inflation, and I would crack down on landlords that do not register their rental income with the applicable authorities (I.E most of them).
5. I would introduce more specific legislation to manage the way that foreigners are treated in this country. From discrimination in healthcare, the ARMS two-tier system with ridiculous deposits required, with government departments, banks, insurance companies, and employers – this is a situation that is driving away many good people from the country and it needs to be addressed. We live here too, we contribute to society, we pay our taxes and we must be treated equally. I would also give Citizenship after 10 years’ residence (they advertise it at after five years but the reality is that it is 18, unless you have a spare million euros), and allow these people to vote in national elections.
6. I would reinforce the legal status of the MAP, I would make all contraception free of charge, and would allow doctors to give women advice or follow-up treatment should they choose to seek an abortion abroad. I would remove the practice of being able to stop a woman leaving Malta if it is suspected she is seeking an abortion, and I would take steps to introduce abortion in cases where the mother’s life is in danger or in situations where the woman is a minor and the victim of rape or incest. If you do not wish to have an abortion, my advice is simple; do not have one. But do not presume that you have the right to tell another woman or girl what she can do with her own body.
7. I would introduce an optional lesson in all schools. This class, called Cultural Diversity Education,will seek to educate all schoolchildren on other cultures, other beliefs, other religions, other ways of life, and other ways of thinking. It will be a mix between history, philosophy, sociology, anthropology, and religion, and will not be biased on any particular train of thought. The aim of this class will be to eradicate prejudice, racism, and discriminatory views in our youngsters in the hope of raising a generation that will not be racists purely because they are ignorant of the facts.
8. I would introduce gender quotas in Parliament and local businesses. It would be a temporary measure that would run for between five to10 years and it would remove the current glass ceiling that is ever present in our country. It is not about tokenism, it is about making sure that competent, suitably qualified individuals are not overlooked for roles purely because they are not male. This would work alongside campaigning for gender equality, overhauls to the childcare system, the introduction of more flexible working hours, and of course, equal or transferrable levels of paternity and maternity leave for new parents.
9. I would increase the cost of fuels, road tax, and insurance premiums for drivers unless they can prove that they need a car for work e.g. delivery drivers, taxi drivers, estate agents (at a push) and so on. I would lower the cost of public transport, build more park and ride facilities, increase the number of buses on the roads, exclude private car usage except for residents in areas like Sliema, St Julian’sand Birkirkara, provide financial incentives for scooters and bicycles, provide free travel for all schoolchildren, financially incentivise companies to provide transport for employees, and look at other means of public transport – trams, underground, trains, teleportation devices… etc.
10. I would completely overhaul the construction and development industry. This would include higher taxes for development of luxury flats and offices, fees for leaving property unfished or empty, height restrictions, putting a halt to the sale or development of any public land, tax incentives to refurbish empty or decaying properties, legal solutions to longstanding familial disputes over property, and a grading system like the UK where buildings or locations of certain historical or archaeological significance have restrictions on their development and usage.
Maybe I should start my own party –The Tal-Barrani Party.