The Malta Independent 20 August 2019, Tuesday

Along came a spider

Rachel Borg Saturday, 16 February 2019, 09:46 Last update: about 7 months ago

Once upon a time there was a rock in the deep blue Mediterranean Sea.  Upon this rock there lived a hardy population, who were known for their friendly attitude, their hard-working ethic and family values.  The climate was mild and warm in Winter and hot and sunny for most of the year.  Many people came from afar to visit this place and liked it so much that they decided to move to this island and make a home there.  Language was not much of a problem either because the people spoke English due to the history of the place and a strange but not too troublesome language called Maltese which was enough to confuse the Anglo-saxons but kept pace with the Semitic languages.  As time passed, the people of Malta grew and prospered and lived in peace with their neighbours and even joined a community of like-minded countries.


But that was before.  Before the spider came and started to spin its web.  This web was not like other webs that can be brushed aside with the palm of our hand.  On the contrary, palms now were filled with coins to keep them down and away from the web and people were advised to simply avoid the web and let the venomous spider get on with it.

In time, the place grew dark and musty.  There air was filled with a stench of rotting cabbages and the ruin around was transforming the place, once a pleasant land, into a dry and dusty rubbish dump.  The people could not believe what was happening.  They were now marooned and abandoned.  They returned to their old survival habits, hunting for birds, cutting trees for fire and fishing the waters for whatever their nets caught.  They managed to get hold of fuel for their boats from their neighbours who spoke a similar language and formed themselves into ghettos with a strong warrior to defend them in times of trouble.

Growing up, their children were quite confused as to which world they actually belonged to.  They were used to dealing with underworld figures but sometimes they sat next to pale faces who actually smiled at them and treated them to a lunch or a dinner.  They became quite impressed with the pale-faced friendly guys and thought it would be an easy-enough job to replace them and sit in their place, thereby being able to eat all the cakes they wanted for free.  The time of bowing to the war-lords was over.  They now ruled and nothing or anyone would stand in their way.

So, within a short time, the island of Malta had transformed into a den and people came from all countries to share in its wealth and find work.  There was nothing that was not allowed.  They became known all over the Mediterranean and beyond for their transformation.  Nobody thought of the Malta as it had been.  Why would they?  The island now was exciting and busy and there were no laws to interfere with their choices.  Pleasure was everywhere. 

All in all, the spider had done a good thing in spinning its web. 

But one day, there was a young mother who was wandering in the fields when she came upon a dark and musty barn.  She opened the creaking door and as she made her way in, walking over all kinds of mouldy bits and pieces on the floor, she saw the big, fat spider and rather than running out screaming she pulled the web and the spider fell to the floor and ambled off to shady corner.   Now it was afraid to come out of its hiding place because it knew the woman was waiting.  What can it do now? 

It could call the people to remove the woman.  Many people were now busy and could not be bothered to get their hands dirty.  But somehow, this spider must continue spinning or else the magic would vanish. 

So, it called on a few cockroaches and they did the job required.  The spider was happy to go back to its place as before. 

By now, the people of the rock were forgotten by the spider.  They had now adapted to a strange new life, where nothing else mattered but success.  Those who did not learn the trade were left to their own road, wherever it led. 

And so, the people and the spider lived happily ever after.

The bite of the Brazilian wandering spider can cause long and painful erections, as well as other symptoms, in human males.  The other people wondered, could that be why everything is so doable in Malta?




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