Politics is the art of making the impossible seem possible. But in Malta, politics has been reduced to making all things mad and surreal.
Forty years ago the Prime Minister, Dom Mintoff - firebrand and rabid anti-Brit agitator - kicked the last British serviceman out of our country and he, or his government, declared the day our National Day of Freedom.
We celebrated this stirring act of bravado by inviting Colonel Muammar Ghaddafi, then at the height of his power and a true scourge of the west, to come over to Malta and wave to the masses.
Ghaddafi held Dom's hand and raised it to the sky before the newly inaugurated Freedom monument. Yes - Malta was finally free.
The Labour Party has changed leaders a couple of times since Dom. First Dom himself, in pure Kafkian style, anointed Karmenu Mifsud Bonnici as his successor. Then Alfred Sant was chosen by the Labour brigade - not the pom-pom girls who used to participate in all Labour celebrations but the delegates who thought this guy from Harvard was quite impressive.
These three men, who collectively led the Labour Party for almost 60 years, shared one thing in common: their aversion to anything western. All were anti-EU and all worked hard to keep us out of the European club. With one cub reporter, a young Joseph Muscat, the Party fought hard to stop Malta becoming part of the European dream.
Time has passed, and the silly monument of mini men raising the Maltese flag to the accompaniment of the British serviceman's bugle, is still there - testament to who knows what. The Brits were dying to leave anyway, and long before - in 1964 - Malta had gained independence, ditched the Union Flag and adopted its own.
Even then, the Brits had hardly fought to keep us. They wanted to get out as fast as their silly legs could carry them and drop us from their basket of conquests.
The Labour Party has a tendency of always - or nearly always - being on the wrong side of history.
Initially, back in the 1950s, Dom Mintoff - he who would be hailed a hero for chucking out the Brits - had wanted full integration with Britain. He actually proposed to make us, tiny Malta, a part of the United Kingdom. We would have had just a couple of seats in Parliament and we would have been a lone voice in the wilderness of Westminster.
Another twisted irony in this whole tale is that Dom's wish should actually have been implemented. He won a referendum to this end, but the Brits, who were our lords and masters in everything, including our future, decided to nullify the result of the referendum.
1. So it did not come to pass that we became British, with the Queen, or her successor, as our head of state for eternity. If Dom had succeeded, we would
still be licking stamps with the Queen's head on them.
Obviously, Dom and Ghaddafi would never have celebrated when the British Forces left our shores. We would also have ended up with the cliffs of Dingli being English and would have tried to paint them white.
The twists go on beyond imagination.
To tie the Labour leaders into more knots of surrealism, Alfred Sant, arch-hater of the EU, has been one of Malta's MEPs for a few years. There is more: Sant has actually said that our accession to the EU can be compared to integration with the UK.
This is like saying that Harvard and the American University of Malta are the same - because, after all, both are American. Either Sant needs a reality check or else all of us in Malta - the electors of such strange beings as our leaders and representatives - are basically unhinged.
Today is Freedom Day, another of our inane national holidays, so we should try to be positive. So let's look at the positive side: if we had achieved Dom's dream of being part of the UK, Theresa May would now be our Prime Minister - and we would be on our way out of the EU which would be music to Alfred Sant's ears.
If Dom's dream of us becoming British had come true, way back in 1956, at the start of all our national celebrations we would have proclaimed and sung in unison: 'God save the Queen'. May all our gods save us from all politicians.