Let’s get one thing clear: today is not April’s Fool’s Day. And this article is no foolish piece of writing by someone who is annoyed that his gang is not in power. I am not the first to say this out loud: Malta is the best in everything it does’.
Joseph, the Prime Minister and Messiah of this land, has actually told us he wants to future-proof Malta. I have no idea what that means but, then, Messiahs do have a habit of speaking in parables and riddles. So because I fully endorse everything he (or should we now elevate him to He?) says, even when I have no clue what he is on about, I will bow my head and pay homage.
This is not being by any means obsequious. I have just decided, after plenty of prodding, to wax positive.
Whatever critics say, this man Joseph – and his amazing coterie of friends, minions and mini-stars – has totally elevated this country. We are now the utmost envy of the world.
We don’t just turn around the fortunes of a beleaguered national airline. We don’t just cook the books and celebrate the fact that we have now posted profits.
We announce that our airline will soon be the airline of the Mediterranean. And besides our national airline, from an airline with a sodden future of assured bankruptcy, we will now have another airline. Juggling has always been one of this government’s best pastimes and Konrad Mizzi is a master juggler. We are the best – and surely the envy – of the Mediterranean.
Words have never failed this government. It has always bandied about loads of buzzwords, was always the tops with slogans and platitudes of transparency and meritocracy. Now that these two concepts are totally ingrained in our psyche, we hardly need to mention them because we live in total harmony.
The masters of our land are the best jugglers and illusionists – magicians who turn fiction into fact and obfuscate anything worrying.
Joseph Muscat, in his Sunday pep-talk to the masses, has often announced that we are better than many other nations. The crowd roars and misses the irony: that we are definitely the best at corruption – not at exposing it but at endorsing it and making it our national bread and butter.
And, of course, irony we drown in: we’re the world super-beaters at that.
A few Sundays ago our Messiah spoke and announced how speedily he and his government were going to implement the recommendations of the Venice Commission to make our democracy stronger. A few days, he said, and boom, bang, blast, it would be done.
We respond in lightning speed to making stronger what is already the jewel in the Med.
The same Sunday meeting hosted another speaker: Konrad Mizzi. This proved to the world that we are also world-beaters in showing off our prime example Panama Papers shady dealings renown. We are kings – and queens of course, as we believe in full equality – of all we survey and even when we are the tops, we keep climbing higher.
We have been told umpteen times that we suck in democratic credentials. We are coming close to taking a few swigs of Guinness and being placed in their Book of Records but even this is another of the most magical things in the history of the world.
No amount of condemnation by whichever body or people affects us. We know – because Joseph and his followers tell us repeatedly – that all this bad-mouthing is due to a few envious people who will not accept that Malta, Joseph Muscat and the Labour Government are the best in the world.
Even in traitors, and horror stories of how they can influence anyone in the world, from the European Parliament to taxi drivers in South America, we are world-beaters.
Superstars of the galaxies we are.