The soap opera that is Konrad Mizzi will soon become a part of our national culture and the lessons on how to be Konrad will probably begin to feature in the school curriculum.

Some lessons may focus on the hero and his nerve to defy the PAC committee on every occasion.  Others could question the buffoonery in smiling and mocking all the way from the steps of Pilatus bank to the antics in Parliament. 

A course could be offered in the economics of re-structuring an airline, a functioning power station and healthcare services for the needs of a growing population.

Trade and export also feature in taking ready-made products from Malta, such as the Electrogas enterprise and applying it in other countries such as Montenegro.  

Other lessons will highlight the business plans and agreements that can be made with prominent businesses and partners to promote ideas and investments that are investigation-proof and beyond scrutiny, whatever cost and whatever advantages are used to ensure the success of the partnership.

Sometimes it can also be useful to see how life-time security and early retirement can be reached ahead of time and with very little qualifications to go on.

Then there is the environment within which the right conditions are created to generate a proliferation of projects, dubious accounting and non-accountability.  Like the sea whose waves roll in and out on the sand, sometimes leaving behind their debris of plastics and dead fish, one project after another follows the tide of approvals.

Could a sense of humour also be part of the Konrad Mizzi formula?  Maltese humour does tend to be rather realistic. 

Or maybe it is a belief system.  One that has its followers, perhaps also amongst those in high office, such as the Commissioner of Police and the leader of the Labour Party or One TV.  As with every belief system, there could be fringe cult that has its own rules and club of members that give themselves gifts and perks and have ice-bucket challenges.  It can foster the culture of omerta’ and false benevolence.  Loyalty and secrecy is also expected of its members.

So, it is expected that this course can go on to Masters level and will greatly benefit the 60% of youths who are keen to leave Malta.  It will be our new export and can help the establishment of the culture abroad, especially at the EU commission.

It is a great tool to enhance your career and do better than the competition.  The relationship between civil society and government is of particular interest and is being studied to see if there are any other cultures that have adopted a similar system.  Some countries that are being looked at are Azerbaijan, Panama and People’s Republic of China.

Aides are already well placed in China to leverage the great philosophy of the Konrad Mizzi school of thought.  Naturally, economics has reached new frontiers, in populating accounts for family planning. 

Since the method claims to never hurt anyone along its trajectory, is bullet-proof and has a 100% success rate in self-interest and self-absorption, Netflix are also looking at making a film on the man that is Konrad Mizzi and his cult following.

There are some elements in the local population that have protested the method, saying it takes a lot from the criminal method and has damaged the economy of the nation.  They claim too that it deserves a full investigation on how the funds were procured to launch the various activities and projects such as the healthcare agreements made. 

Some strategic personalities, involved, for example in the energy project, foreign and local are also deemed to have acted in ways that could break the law and in a mafia-like strategy but to-date no serious investigations have been initiated against those persons or entities involved.

It is not without criticism however and sources described the case of Konrad Mizzi as lousy, low and rubbishy.  It seems, though, that the Prime Minister himself has given full backing as have the  Facebook punters spewing hate and violence onto social media.  Its value is also seen in gathering the masses and keeping them subscribing to the Labour Party till death.

The element of heroism is not lost on those who love to hunt birds and turn to the minister to approve all their demands, over and above the national interest and rule of law.

Time will tell whether Mizzi will be coming out and publishing a tell-all book on how he went from rags to riches.  There is some speculation too on whether his erst-while partner who assured the public that she should be judged on what she can do for us, will also contribute to the book and advise people on how to invest government funds.

The conclusion is that lousy, low and rubbishy are not to be freely applied here and the value of Mizzi’s strategies is still to be debated.  Calls for him to appear in the Public Accounts Committee and give an account of the marvelous method and projects that are attributed to him, have, to-date failed to get him to make an appearance.   Of course, he is a busy man, travelling and occasionally, being human, falling sick.  The public, though, have gone further and staged protests outside the Police Headquarters to encourage authorities to do their bit in bringing about a satisfactory and peaceful resolution to the enigma.

Which brings to mind that song in the Sound of Music - how do you solve a problem like Maria?

Whatever the future holds for Mizzi, his place in the legacy of the Labour government of Joseph Muscat and Robert Abela will be well preserved, at all costs and children will benefit greatly from his unique and resourceful intelligence. 

Malta can stand proud and say, no other has gone where he did.  It is odd that ex-prime minister Joseph Muscat had to resign before Mizzi had a chance to prove his full worth and that others who stood to benefit greatly from association with him, have found themselves in unexpected circumstances but the resilience of the hero is there for all to see and celebrate.