Bullying, teachers’ accusations of lying and labelling certain behaviours as bad, is the childhood story of many late diagnosed autistic females or those assigned female at birth.

This was the brutal reality for 20-year-old University student Naomi Schranz, as she recalls her story in an interview with The Malta independent.

Naomi recounts school as being an overwhelming place for her younger hyperlexic and ‘extremely empathetic and sensitive self’, as every day, inescapable things such as lights and noises used to lead to sensory overload, causing inexplicable crying.

Speaking about her younger days, she recalls how at the age of 9 they noticed that she was different from others her age as she didn’t know how to make friends. Despite this she said that she never got bored of her own company as she could self-entertain for hours.

At such an age she also used to speak in a monotone way. This, together with the fact that she used ‘very fancy words’ in her daily conversations was a bookworm and didn’t understand most social cues, were all considered valid reasons by bullies to pick up on her.

Recalling a particular middle school ‘trend’ where a ‘typex’ container would be broken in half and dragged around the classroom by foot creating a screeching sound, Naomi said that this used to hurt her.

“Most teachers advised me to hide that I was in pain, but I couldn’t hide it,” she said.

Naomi said that since teachers could not understand her, they labelled her sensory overload as misbehaviour and accused her of lying.

She remembers a particular teacher who used to snap her fingers and shout at her, demanding eye contact whilst engaged in conversation. Naomi explained that if she looks into a person’s eyes it is extremely difficult for her to understand what the other person is saying as “it’s just uncomfortable”.

Looking back, Naomi said that she does not blame anyone for labelling her reactions as misbehaviour, as they could not understand her. She said that she does not blame them as even she was convinced that she was misbehaving.

 

Getting diagnosed

 

Naomi recounts how the search for the truth started after a family discussion revealed how she was suspected of having autism in her kindergarten years.

Delving more into the subject, Naomi’s parents revealed how she was informally assessed for autism, but failed to meet the criteria as she was “a girl who was pretty and could speak which had an imagination” things that do not at all influence whether one is autistic or not.

Commenting on the reasons given for her misdiagnosis, she said that although she did not line up her toys like all other autistic children, she did consider as a form of play putting all things in the right place and then leave them as they were. They also had special interests, namely Pokemon and psychology, but they were not seen as such as they were not what one usually thinks of when thinking of a special interest, for example maths or trains.

She later started researching the subject. It was when she saw videos of late autistic-diagnosed women describing their experiences that it hit her and started seeing herself in them.

After almost two years of researching, she decided to approach her family with all the information that she had gathered compiled into a binder.

As Naomi started to explain her autistic traits and matching them with her research, it got easier to convince her parents to split the private diagnosis cost with them, as after the age of 16, the state does not cover the adult assessment.

Reliving the end of her eight-session autism assessment, Naomi recounts how she felt relieved upon the verdict given by the psychologist, as now life was about to change completely for the better.  

Recounting her ADOS interview, which forms part of a standardised assessment that allows psychotherapists to look for social and communication behaviours that are typical of autism spectrum disorders, Naomi described the testing process, which is used to test socialisation skills, as being a play where “everyone had the script or instructions” and she was just tumbling along trying to figure out what to do.

“When I was diagnosed, I essentially went through a mini grieving process over the life I could have had,” she said.

Naomi explained that were she diagnosed earlier she would have accepted herself way before she did. In hindsight, a diagnosis would have provided clarity over her behaviour, rendering necessary help more available, which might have led to less bullying.

Although she now knows the whys her childhood did not enjoy a lively social life because of her autism, Naomi explained that were she to be a given an LSE it would not have made much of a difference as her grades never suffered.

Despite the many struggles faced because of a late diagnosis, she considers herself quite lucky as “most people who are assigned female at birth get diagnosed in their 40s or later”.

 

Life post- autism diagnosis

 

Naomi said that the diagnosis at 19 has completely turned her life upside down for the better.

“I always knew that something was a bit different” she said.

She said that once she got the diagnosis everything clicked in place, as past difficulties could now be labelled and addressed, and strengths embraced. At this stage Naomi also realised that she had a lot of what she described as being ‘internalised ableism’.

Further delving into the subject Naomi explained that ‘internalised ableism’ happens when people with disabilities start to believe negative comments and stereotypes about themselves.

Speaking about her experience she said that in her case she used to talk a lot about a ‘special interest’, which later she tried to supress as nobody else did it.  After being diagnosed and started the healing process she never did it again as “special interests are one of the best part of being autistic”.

Naomi also recalls how she wasn’t kind to herself during ‘sensory overload’ or shutdowns, resulting from having to ‘mask’ her autistic traits for a long period of time to blend in with the rest of the neurotypical crowd. In recovery mode, she said that she is now managing to ‘unmask’ because of the autism community she found online.

Since recently moving out, Naomi had to also make some adaptations to her home, like sound panels and sensory lighting, to make it her own comfortable space.

 

Changes wanted for the Maltese autistic community

 

“When I first tell people I am autistic, I get the reaction “but you don’t look autistic” or like “why would you say something like that about yourself, to which I respond with “what’s so bad about being autistic?”

She added that the only people who believe her, always happen to be neurodivergent themselves.

Speaking on for herself and other autistic persons, she said that the stigma surrounding their condition together with the lack of awareness in Malta affects them very negatively as they want to be better understood and accepted.

Although there are many new things such as the Prism app “Autism friendly spaces”, which is like a map indicating places which offer sensory friendly hours or calm rooms, she said that there is still a lot to be done to help the autistic community.

Mentioning the recent government announced national autism strategy, she said that she was pleased to see that the older autistic community has been included in a dedicated employment section, as most people seem to think “we disappear once we turn 18”.

Apart from that she said that autism needs to be more talked about in schools, as even at post-secondary level, the subject is touched upon very briefly.

“We also need to start moving away from the idea that being related to someone with autism and being autistic is somewhat shameful, as neurodiversity should be valued”, she said.